Hello you, shy soul! I hope all is well in your world. I’m back with another quiet reflection and this week, I’ve been thinking about the case for embracing shyness, rather than erasing it.

This might be a slightly controversial take, I know, but deep breaths for us both – stay with me.

As always, this is a direct copy and paste from my latest LinkedIn post, with a few extra, gentle insights. And I’ll admit, this one feels especially difficult to share. I don’t always feel comfortable challenging mainstream ideas – but in this case, I believe it’s needed.

And before we dive in, this is actually my third post dedicated to all things shy. If you missed the first two – no worries at all. I’ve quietly gathered them here 🌿→ From One Shy Soul To Another – and I’ll continue adding to it, week by week.

Now, join me as I take a closer look at a phrase I’ve heard more times than I can count:

The “You Need To Overcome Shyness” Statement 

If you’re a shy soul – like me – you’ve probably heard this quite a few times.

People who aren’t shy tell us we need to overcome our shyness. I hear it in conversations, or tucked quietly into online threads. And then there are those who say, “I used to be shy… but I overcame it. And you can too.”

I’ve hesitated to share my thoughts on this until now. I never want to invalidate anyone’s journey, or suggest that growth and gentle challenge aren’t possible – or valuable.

And I believe those who say they’ve moved past their shyness. I do aknowledge it’s possible. I’m not here to argue with their experience or perspective.

Rather, I feel there’s a balance to be found here. One that leaves space for those of us who don’t connect with the idea of “overcoming” shyness. A quieter path for those of us shy souls who can’t quite embrace this message as easily as others might. Or still carry it with them, even after years of trying not to.

This feeling became stronger for me after spending a little time observing online spaces, where the general narrative is often that shyness is something to push through – or push away. It’s rarely framed in a neutral, yet alone positive light.

My Own Mixed Feelings

For me, “overcoming” shyness – at least in the literal sense – hasn’t really worked. Not because the statement is necessarily wrong, but because of what it quietly implies.

Because as well-meaning as that phrase may be, it’s often left me feeling a little disheartened. Possibly even a little frustrated. And almost always, with more questions than answers.

So, My Mission Is To Change The Narrative

I’ve gone all Mission Impossible on this, I’m the shy equivalent of Tom Cruise (minus the Scientology and the acting ability). I’ve chosen to accept it. I’m even prepared to do my own emotional stunts.

Jokes aside, this touches on something deeply connected to my quiet mission – to gently shift how shy souls are seen. Not just by others, but by our former shy counterparts and most importantly, by ourselves.

Because I don’t see shyness as inherently negative anymore. It’s become a neutral trait – something I’ve learned to understand, rather than “fix.” Not necessarily something to overcome, but something to understand.

And interestingly, by softening toward it, I’ve found I’m more at ease in situations that once stirred much more anxiety. For instance – writing online posts, used to feel incredibly exposing. But I’ve learned to sit with the discomfort and continue on anyway.

It’s definitely not easy. And being shy does add an extra layer of vulnerability. But I’ve never felt like I had to stop being shy to do this.

If anything…

I’ve Learned to Walk Alongside it

Rather than trying to overcome shyness, I’ve adapted to it and gently weaved my temperament into my life, rather than battle against it. 

Honestly, I don’t think I’d be here writing this if I hadn’t taken that approach. I’d likely still be stuck trying to “fix” it, without knowing how and feeling even more disconnected in the process.

This isn’t to dismiss those who’ve found freedom in their own way. If your journey has led you to a place where shyness no longer feels present, I truly celebrate that and I’ll quietly cheer you on as you continue to grow.

But for those of us who’ve been there, tried that, and left without the T-shirt – it can often feel like we’re left out of the conversation. Or worse, like we’re failing. Or not quite enough.

In my experience, it’s left me feeling all three.

And if this is you – if you’ve felt this way – then I want to gently say: there is another way.

We’re All Wired Differently

While one path works for some, it won’t work for everyone.

And it’s okay to say that. In fact, it’s important that it is said – even if quietly, as we shy types aren’t exactly known for loud declarations.

Which got me thinking…maybe there’s a softer path. One where we don’t try to erase our shyness, but instead accept it – compassionately, confidently and with quiet resilience.

An approach where we create space for it – and dare I say – embrace it as part (not all) of who we are. Not to excuse the moments when it holds us back, but to give ourselves some much-needed wiggle room for when it does.

Because real growth – the kind that lasts – rarely comes from pushing ourselves out of frustration, fear, or the feeling of not being “enough.”

As for many of us, those feelings are very much already a part of our experiences of being shy. The fear of being judged. The sense of being seen as less-than. These are feelings we know all too well.

Pushing Shyness Away Can Sometimes Deepen It

In fact, we might just be reinforcing the very thing we’re trying to release. Because to me, being told we need to overcome shyness leaves me with a deep sense of invalidation.

At first, I believed that feeling came from being rejected by others but over time, I’ve realised something else:

That sense of rejection often came from within – from my own internal struggles and a resistance to accept who I naturally am. I wasn’t just reacting to the perceptions of others, I was quietly rejecting my own shyness.

Now, that doesn’t take away from what those three words don’t actually say but subtly convey. That we can’t be confident, or socially accepted, or good enough until we overcome our shy nature.

And that’s an approach I disagree with. Because in my experience, the moment I try to overcome something from a place of feeling compelled to, is the moment I lose my autonomy over myself. It comes from a need to “fit in” – not from a desire to honour who I naturally am.

For me, it starts with acceptance. With compassion. With the quiet courage to meet ourselves exactly where we are and move forward from there.

And You Never Know

We may well reach the same comfort level as our fellow no-longer-shy souls. We may even join them.

But more importantly – if we do reach a place of ease in those areas of life where shyness once held us back, yet still remain shy in our nature – we’ll be in a far better place to accept that. To see it not as failure, but as simply part of who we are.

So, if you’re shy and growing – you’re not doing it wrong.

You don’t need to become someone else. You just need to walk gently with the person you already are.

And I’ll be walking right there with you – because I’m doing the same.

And if you were once shy and no longer feel this defines you. I hope you’ll receive this message in the way it’s intended – with warmth and understanding. Because I believe we share a common goal:

To feel more confident in ourselves and embrace life to its fullness. We may just have different philosophies on how to approach it. And that’s okay. Because at one point in time, shyness was part of your story and it’s okay that it’s still part of ours.

However, this message finds you, thank you for being here and for reading my quiet, reflective ramblings.

And no matter how your relationship with shyness looks right now, I hope this has reminded you that you’re not alone and that your quiet courage is enough in itself.

I’ll see you soon,
Charlotte 🌸

P.S. If you’d like to know more about the quiet soul still walking gently with her shyness, I’ve shared a little more here 🌿→  About me.

And if you ever feel ready for gentle 1:1 support, you’re warmly welcome to explore my coaching for shy souls 🌿→My Coaching.