Hello you! It’s so lovely to have you back for blog number two, where we’ll be untangling fear vs anxiety. As always, take a seat, relax, and let me ramble on for a bit. Hopefully, you have your non-obligatory cup of tea in hand, but if not, no worries — as either way, let’s chat.

Reflecting Back: Your Spotlight

In my last post (Stepping Into Our Spotlight), I left you with a question:

What’s your spotlight? What’s that one thing that stirs up fear in you?

Now, if you didn’t read it—please do! It won’t take long (I promise), and this one will make a lot more sense if you do. If you did, well, let’s get the awkwardness out of the way, did you answer it? No pressure if not! This isn’t my first self-help rodeo, so I’d be a complete hypocrite if I acted like I always do the homework. If you didn’t answer the question, I kindly ask you to do so now (well, more for you than for me, really). Now that you have, let’s buckle up and dive right in!

Today’s post is all about untangling two emotional threads that often get muddled together: fear vs anxiety.

Fear vs Anxiety: So, what’s the Difference?

I’ll start with some honesty, because knowing the difference between the two has definitely confused me on my fear friendship journey. We touched on fear last time, but please allow me a quick recap and throw anxiety into the mix:

• Fear is a biologically driven emotional response to an actual or perceived threat. It’s our evolutionary way of shouting, ‘We’re about to die!’.

• Anxiety is a state of apprehension, when we anticipate something going wrong, even when there’s nothing obvious trying to harm us. It’s that prolonged sense of danger that can be incredibly persuasive and annoyingly persistent. I’ll admit, anxiety and I know each other far too well!

Fear vs Anxiety in Real Life

Fear is a literal robber breaking into your house in the middle of the night. Anxiety is worrying that someone might break in. It makes perfect sense to lock the doors before you go to sleep, but needing to check them three, four or even five times? That might be a sign anxiety is starting to creep in.

Fear is standing in front of a crowd, just as you’re about to give that speech you’re so excited (are you though?) to deliver. Anxiety is waking up at 4am two weeks before said speech, running through all the ways it could go horribly wrong. Standing in front of a group is a widely shared fear—especially for us quiet souls—but when we know it’s coming, and we spend hours worrying about it beforehand? That’s anxiety doing its thing. I speak from experience on this one. Whenever there’s something looming in the future that I’m not exactly excited about, it’s as if the time between now and then becomes a bit…non-existent? Like everything is on pause until it’s over. Anyway, I’ll keep that chat between me and my journal—for now!

Breakdown Panic vs Gear-Change Nerves

Fear is when my car got stuck in 2nd gear at the start of an incline, during peak rush hour traffic on the Mancunian Way (would not recommend, for those not familiar it’s one of the worst places to break down). I suppose I was lucky, it could’ve been stuck in reverse, but still, it was a full-on, in-the-moment panic. Anxiety, is a few days later, same car, same seat, but with the reassuring knowledge (courtesy of the lovely AA man) that everything was fixed — and yet, I still felt a wave of panic at every gear change. It’s everyday moments like this where the difference between fear vs anxiety becomes much more clear.

Fear Comes and Goes — Anxiety Sticks Around

I like to think of anxiety as your long-term partner and fear as more of an adrenaline-filled, slightly intense fling. That’s not to say you can’t experience both in a long-term relationship (I am a hopeless romantic at heart), but you don’t necessarily need a partner to have a good time, just like you don’t need to be experiencing anxiety to feel fear. One is more consistent and persistent; the other tends to come and go (excuse the pun—sorry, it had to be done). In simpler terms, fear is typically experienced in the moment, while anxiety tends to show up before and after.

Why Knowing the Difference Matters

So, we can see there is a distinction between anxiety and fear, and knowing the differences really does help. Although, when my car did fail me, I didn’t exactly press pause mid-panic to think, ‘Let’s do a deep dive into my subconscious and figure out where this is coming from’ — because panic is, well, panic and in those horrible situations, it really doesn’t matter. But in moments of calm reflection and hindsight, that distinction does become useful. Why? Because the way we respond to fear often needs to be more immediate and protective, which, in my case, meant calling the AA for help. While anxiety generally requires a gentler, more long-term approach – the reassuring voice in my head and deep breaths on every gear change.

Simply put, fear can lead to anxiety, and anxiety can absolutely lead to fear. Knowing which relationship you’re in can make all the difference — whether that’s grounding yourself in the moment or soothing your thoughts about what might (but likely won’t) happen. Because when anxiety enters our world, it usually does its best to convince us that the situation is much worse than it usually is.

Fear isn’t always physical

Sometimes (well, ideally never), there’s no masked murderer, no burglar, no car malfunction at the worst possible moment. Often, fear doesn’t show up because we’re in real, immediate danger — it lives in our emotional world instead.

It’s not always about literal survival, but about protecting ourselves from things that feel threatening: rejection, failure, judgement, disappointment. The kind of things that might not leave a bruise, but can still leave a mark on our confidence, our sense of safety, or the way we see ourselves. I’ll be diving deeper into all of this in a few posts’ time.

Emotional fear doesn’t trigger our fight-or-flight because we’re being chased, but because something feels unsafe to our sense of self. It’s the kind of fear I’ll be focusing on more from here on out — the one that shapes our choices, stops us from taking steps forward, and far too often, holds hands with anxiety.

Emotional fear: In a nutshell

To me, emotional fear sits at the root of most—if not all—of our spotlights. Unless, of course, you’re one of those adrenaline-fuelled, live-life-on-the-edge types. In which case, I say: you do you! I’m in awe of our bungee-jumping, skydiving, Everest-climbing fellow humans. Honestly, that kind of bravery seems to go against every one of our survival instincts and triggers physical fear from the get-go. I don’t know how they do it, but I would say that, as I can’t cope with heights. 

However, I feel there’s something we can all learn from our fellow daredevil adventurers. They show us that it’s possible to make friends with our fears, even in the most extreme forms. What’s more comforting (especially for me) is that you don’t need to go to ridiculous heights or take life-threatening risks to experience the same sense of growth, achievement, and excitement from facing your own personal fears. After all, we all have our mountains to climb, literally or metaphorically.

Emotional fear, when left unchecked, can really hold us back from experiencing the full depths of life.It can keep us stuck in the ‘I need to always feel safe zone’, a place I’ve been stuck in for far too long! It can cloud our judgement and mask opportunities and growth. But by learning to befriend our fears we open ourselves up to new experiences and ultimately, freedom. And who doesn’t want a little bit more freedom?! I know I do. 

Let’s wrap this one up:

Now that we know what our spotlight(s) is and can see the difference between fear vs anxiety — we’re well on our way to getting to know them both. I’d say we’ve reached acquaintance level. We also understand why knowing which one we’re dealing with is key, because while they may seem similar, they call for slightly different approaches. And that’s something we’ll keep in mind as we move forward.

Next time, we’ll start exploring how fear and anxiety show up in our bodies — beginning with the breath. Because when it comes to these experiences, the breath can be both a steadying anchor and a bit of a troublemaker.

In moments of fear or anxiety, our breathing often changes — becoming shallow, quicker, or even pausing altogether, sometimes without us even realising it. That shift can add fuel to the emotional fire, making us feel even more unsettled. But here’s the bittersweet bit: that very same breath also holds the power to calm our nervous system, ground us, and bring us back to ourselves. And I’ll be exploring all of this in blog number three: Breathe In, Fear Out.

So, my question for you today is:

When you think about your spotlight — is it fear you’re feeling, or is it anxiety?

Something to gently ponder while I get busy working on blog number three (wish me luck).

See you soon,
Charlotte