Hello you! Welcome back — I hope all is well in your little corner of the world. Today, we’re focusing on fear, anxiety and muscle tension. Or, to put it another way, we’ve officially reached the “let’s get physical” stage of our fear friendship journey (strictly metaphorical, of course!).

Now, much like with the breath, when I started exploring the physical side of fear and anxiety, I quickly realised there was a lot more to unpack than I expected. So — and you probably saw this coming — I’ve decided to give it the time and space it deserves by splitting it into two parts:

Part a: shines a light on tension — how fear and anxiety can get stored in the body, and more importantly, the gentle techniques we can use to begin releasing it.

Part b: explores the sneakier symptoms fear and anxiety like to send our way (think headaches, skin flare-ups, digestive dramas and the like), along with some helpful tips to support your body when it’s quietly calling out for care. (I’ve linked to this blog here 🌿→ Flare Up, Settle Down)

So, as always — take a seat, get comfy, pour yourself a nice warm drink, and maybe even stretch those muscles a little before we dive straight in. And while you are settling in, allow me to recap.

Reflecting back: How are you breathing?

In my last two posts (Breathe In, Panic Out and Breathe In, Calm Out), we placed the spotlight on the breath — exploring how we should be breathing (in an ideal world), how fear and anxiety can throw that off, and a few techniques to help us breathe a little easier when things get tough.

I also left you with two questions:

• Which breathing technique feels like the right fit for you?

• And how might it help you grow that friendship with fear?

Did you have a chance to try out a breathing technique? Maybe you found yourself pausing for a quiet breath during a tense day at work— or perhaps, without even realising it, your breath became a steady friend when your mind was racing at 4am. That happened to me this week — so if it did for you too, I can definitely relate!

If you did, that’s something worth celebrating (no matter how small it might seem). And if not, that’s okay too. Sometimes the act of noticing our breath is a step forward in itself. After all, it’s the small wins that often lead to the biggest changes in life.

As I explored the world of breath, I noticed how tuned in I became — not just to the words on the page, but to how I was actually breathing. I’d never really paid much attention before, but suddenly I was hyper-aware of not just my breath but also how the people around me were breathing. I thought it was just me and my slightly eccentric ways (to be fair, that wouldn’t be a stretch). But turns out I am not as unique as my ego would have me believe. And here’s why.

The Frequency Illusion

It’s that curious thing that happens when you learn about something new  — and suddenly, it’s everywhere. For me this tends to happen when I buy a new coat. Here’s me feeling I’m going against the trend this year, feeling pretty unique and then all of a sudden, what I just bought is in every shop window. Or, when I bought my new car – a black Mini Cooper — before I decided on said car, I never saw one. And now? They’re everywhere!

What appears to be everywhere was actually always there. In reality, it’s often our attention (or lack of it) that keeps us from noticing what’s been right in front of us all along. Or because we don’t associate with something, it often just passes us by without much thought. And while most examples of this illusion tend to centre on the material, I feel we can also apply this to what we notice about ourselves too.

Awareness and the Art of Balance

As with most things in life, the key is in the balance. I say this from personal experience — when I began my own ‘self-help’ quest, I quickly noticed a subtle shift from awareness to hyperawareness. Sometimes I wasn’t just noticing — I was monitoring, overthinking, and focusing on everything. To be fair, I am partial to an overactive mind. But I don’t think this was just my anxiety on overdrive.

That’s not to say building awareness of how you feel isn’t incredibly important. But as the saying goes, you can have ‘too much of a good thing’.

I feel this serves as a gentle reminder that while knowledge and awareness are powerful, they work best when paired with compassion and balance. Or in more relatable terms: it’s like a nice glass of wine without the cheese — sure, one works without the other, but together? They make the perfect pairing.

After all, we know the human mind tends to follow the frequency illusion, so simply being aware of that can help soften the intensity. It’s not just you — it’s human psychology. So let’s be a little easy on ourselves. If you catch yourself breathing through your mouth or holding your breath, it’s okay. Learning new things is hard, and accepting that is half the battle.

Awareness is an art — and balance is a key part of it. But there’s something else we can lean on when things feel a little unsettling.

Allowing Things To Be

It sounds simple in theory — but in practice, it can be surprisingly hard to do. Especially once we turn our attention inward. Because when we begin to notice how things feel in the body or mind, there’s often a natural urge to jump right in and fix it. There’s almost a pressure to solve it — straight away.

But here’s a gentle truth: you don’t have to fix everything you notice. In fact, just letting something be can sometimes be the most supportive thing you can do.

That’s not to say we can’t move toward change. But accepting where we are gives us the self-compassion and balance we need to move forward. In many ways, the simple act of acknowledging how fear and anxiety make us feel lays the foundation for our friendship with fear.

But it also gives us something even more powerful: self-trust. Because when we face our fears as they are — and build an unconditional friendship with them — we begin to trust ourselves in a deeper, truer way.

We’re no longer locked in battle with ourselves. Instead, we’re observing our experience with kindness and acceptance. We’re recognising that how we feel is okay, and we’re using the tools we’ve gathered to help us move through, without the need to push anything away.

Because when we focus only on fixing, our attention stays on the problem. But when we allow — even just a little — we create space for the solution to find us.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given was this: You don’t have to agree with something in order to accept it. And honestly, that applies to a lot more than just fear.

Okay — that’s the words of wisdom (bordering on the philosophical) out of the way. So now feels like the perfect time to…

Get Physical

When it comes to fear and anxiety, our bodies can be incredibly chatty. Sometimes the signs are loud and clear, right there in your face: the racing heart, shortness of breath, knot in your stomach, wide eyes, sweaty palms, and inability to sit still. These are what I like to call the “Hey, I’m here, and don’t you bloody know it!” symptoms. They’re hard to deny and really kick that fight-or-flight mechanism into full throttle. (Note: for a quick reminder on the fight/flight pop over here 🌿→ blog one: spotlight).

In those moments, my go-to suggestion is to return to the breath — slow, steady, and gentle. Pick a technique from blog 3 if you can, but honestly, the method isn’t really that important. Any breath that helps return your body to the present and signals that you’re safe is the right one.

But sometimes, fear takes a more subtle approach—less full-body panic, more of a quiet whisper and gentle nudge. These sneaky symptoms often fly under the radar, but they’re just as important to notice, even if they can be easier to dismiss as something else. So, how do these subtle symptoms play out in real life, and how can we manage them when they do? Well, allow me to dive right in.

Actually Before I do…

Let me quickly pop my former nurse hat on for a second.

If you’re experiencing any physical symptoms — even if fear or anxiety might be the cause — or if you’re managing a long-term medical condition or injury, it’s always a good idea to check in with a healthcare professional first. Just to be safe.

Safety first, disclaimer done. Now, let’s slow things down.

A Moment Of Pause

By now, you’re a seasoned professional at taking a moment to pause. If you can, read the words below — and then close those lovely eyes:

Take a minute or two to really sit with your body. Notice how it feels, from head to toe. No pressure — just a gentle check-in with each part.

Thinking about tension, aches, and general niggles:

• Are you holding any tension? If so, where is it living today?

• Is your jaw clenched? Are your shoulders tight, or is there discomfort in your neck, back, or legs?

• No judgement. No pressure. No rush. Take your time. If anything it’s just a moment to do nothing.

Then, open those eyes. Let the world back in. If you need to stretch or move about a bit – please do. And when you’re ready, I’ll meet you in the next paragraph.

Fear and Muscle Tension: The Workout You Didn’t Ask For

You might be surprised by how much your body quietly carries in response to fear and anxiety. Muscle tension can show up anywhere — from head to toe — often creeping in slowly and subtly. We might not even notice it until we try to stretch or move, and suddenly realise just how much we’ve been holding on to.

Fear and anxiety have a sneaky way of settling into the body, and muscles are usually the first to take the hit. It’s our nervous system’s way of staying “on guard.” But over time, that constant state of readiness can leave us feeling stiff, sore, and utterly drained — like we’ve been carrying an invisible weight all day. Because, in a way, we have.

On a personal note: I’ve noticed my hands are in a near-constant state of clenching, and it takes a conscious effort to uncurl them. Anxiety truly is the gift that keeps on giving. 

When fear shows up, checking in with your body can be a powerful first step — even if it’s just for a brief moment of pause. Some might call it a full body scan. I’d call it a rest.

Whatever we name it, giving yourself a few minutes to tune in can help you identify, release, and better understand where tension tends to live. That said, I’d be lying if I said this was easy to do mid-panic. But with a little practice during calmer moments, it becomes something we can carry into the harder ones — a softer skill for tougher days.

Targeted Tips for Muscle Tension

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR):

💡 A little note before we begin: 

My explanation below will be a brief one. As much as I love a good ramble, this technique really deserves a post all of its own. Rather than deep-diving here, I want to share a fantastic article I found while researching this technique. The team over at PositivePsychology.com do an amazing job of explaining PMR in detail.

Take a look through my short summary below, and if this technique feels like a good fit for you, please do head over to their website for lots more information before you try it:  🌿→ Progressive Muscle Relaxation: 10 Scripts for Effective PMR.

What is it: This technique is especially helpful if you’re not quite sure where tension might be hiding in your body. It guides you through a full-body scan, helping you notice tension you might not have realised was there. In a way, it’s a bit like what we just did earlier — but with a more focused and intentional approach.

How to prepare:

• Find somewhere nice and comfy. Ideally, lying down or sat in a chair. Wherever is best for you.
• If you can, remove your shoes and wear looser clothes.
• Maybe put the phone on do not disturb – speaking from experience.
• Set aside some time – ideally 15 minutes but as much as you can spare.
• The process is to tense and release muscle groups in the body – the article I referenced has a full list of what these are but essentially you work from head to toe. Or if you’re feeling radical toe to head.
• Examples of muscle groups. ‘Point your toes towards your face, then point away and curl downwards’. ‘Arch your back up and away from the floor or chair’. ‘Clench hands and then release’.
• I’ll use the example of the hands to illustrate but it’s the same method for each muscle group.

How to do it:

• Take some nice deep breaths – maybe pick a technique from blog 3b – or simply breathe slowly in and out.
• If you can, use the breath during the exercise. Inhale and tense. Exhale and release.
• On the inhale, clench your hands for 5-10 seconds. Not to the point of pain but just enough to feel it.
• Then on the exhale release – both hands open.
• Take a minute to feel the hands and the process of releasing any tension from the body.
• If you can, compare the difference between how your hands felt when they were tense and when they relaxed.
• Take a good 10-20 seconds to relax (well deserved).
• When you’re ready, move on to another muscle group and repeat the process.
• When you’ve tensed and relaxed as many or as little groups as you feel you can, take a little time to settle.
• Then take some nice deep breaths – calm and relaxed – and when you feel ready return to the present.

And there you go. It’s fairly simple and does a great job of releasing any stored up tension. Also, just the act of consciously letting go can be a release in itself. So it’s a real two-for-the-price-of-one approach – and who doesn’t love a good bargain?

If you can, try to make a habit of practicing this for just 5–10 minutes a day. Over time, it can really help you recognise the difference between tension and relaxation — and let’s be honest, it’s also a great excuse to take a well-deserved break. This is especially useful if you’ve been hanging out with anxiety for a while, as it’s a sneaky little character that seriously blurs the lines between the two.

If all that feels a bit too much, not to worry — we can always try a simpler, more familiar approach.

A Little Gentle Stretching

For those of us who already know exactly where we’re holding tension (because it’s making itself very clear), or for those who feel the idea of sitting still for 15 minutes tensing and relaxing is just one step too far (I’ll admit — that’s often me too), a gentle stretch might be more your thing.

Try setting aside a few minutes each day to gently stretch any areas that feel a tad tense Some of the most common tension hotspots include:

• The neck — often tight from holding stress or long hours at a screen
• The shoulders — where we tend to carry the ‘weight of the world’
• The jaw — especially if you clench or grind your teeth
• The wrists and fingers — especially if you type or scroll a lot
• The upper back — which can become tight from slouching or shallow breathing

If any of these areas sound familiar, some gentle movements might help: simple neck rolls, slow shoulder shrugs, unclenching and massaging the jaw, softly flexing the hands and wrists, or rounding the upper back with a stretch.

Nothing too intense — just small, intentional movements to help soften where your body might be holding on.

💭 I’ll be exploring some of these areas (and what they might be trying to tell us) in more detail in the next post — so feel free to simply notice for now, and revisit what feels helpful later on.

You might wonder why I’m not offering detailed, step-by-step stretching instructions. That’s intentional. Our bodies are wonderfully unique, and what feels good for one person might not for another. I’d much rather invite you to explore stretches that suit your comfort level, mobility, and preferences, rather than suggest a “one-size-fits-all” approach. After all, fitness routines aren’t exactly my specialty — but listening to the body? That I can manage.

And if neither approach quite fits today — or you’re just looking for a softer, simpler way to stay connected to your body and breath combined — here’s a little daily practice you might like to try.

A Simple Daily Pause

It’s not quite a meditation, not quite a breathing exercise — but a personal favourite of mine. Something I aim to do most mornings. It can be for as little or as long as you need.

I like to think of it as a daily ‘me’ moment. A quiet space, where I notice, breathe, release, and return.

💭 You can do this seated, lying down, or even standing while the coffee brews:

Notice: Pause. No need to change anything — just become aware of how you feel right now.

• Where are you holding tension? What’s standing out today?

Breathe: Take a slow, steady inhale through your nose. And as you do, allow your body to soften.

• On the exhale, imagine letting go of the tension — the weight in your body and your mind — slowly slipping away with your breath.

• Repeat for a few more breaths. Nice and slow.

Release: On your next exhale, allow your shoulders to drop just a little.

• Unclench your jaw. Soften your hands. Let your stomach relax.

• No need to force. Let gravity do some of the work.

Return: Take one more breath — in and out — and give a quiet thumbs-up to your body.

• Let’s give it some appreciation for all it’s been holding. It’s doing its best. And so are you.

As someone who often realises my hands are already clenched before I’ve even noticed, I’ve found it’s these little moments — softening the jaw or relaxing the fingers — that can gently shift everything.

Just know: even if this is all you manage today, that’s more than enough.

So, Before We Go

Whether you choose to explore PMR, gentle stretching, or simply build more awareness of where your body holds tension, the most important thing is to approach it all with curiosity and kindness. There’s no “perfect” technique or timeline here — only what feels helpful and manageable for you. After all, learning to listen to the body is a practice, not a performance. And every small step counts.

We’ve been on quite the journey today — with a little psychology, a smidge of philosophy, and a deep dive into how fear and anxiety create tension in the body.

As we already know, the breath is a true friend — but now we can also call on our bodies to support us too. We’re building quite the close circle of support.

And by keeping our spotlights in mind, we’re well on our way to sitting with the discomfort they bring and we have a few more techniques to add to our self-help vault.

Until Next Time

As always, I’ll leave you with a question or two:

• When you check in with your body — how much tension are you holding?

• And when you think about your spotlight, what do you notice in how your body feels?

Happy breathing and pausing — until we meet again in blog 4b 🌿→ Flare Up, Settle Down.

I’ll see you soon!

Charlotte 🪷

P.S. If you’re wondering who gets this enthusiastic about overthinking muscle tension like it’s a full-time hobby (this would be me) — you can find out more about me here 🌿→ About Me.

And if your body and mind have been carrying a quiet weight for a while, you can learn more about my 1:1 coaching here 🌿 → My Coaching.