7b. How to Deal with Rejection | A Practical Guide

Let’s Get Emotional With Rejection: The Gentle Art of Navigating The Storm

Hello you! I hope all is well in your world. And welcome back to part two of our journey with rejection. Hopefully, this past week has been kind to you and rejection has stayed quietly off the table. But if it’s crept back in (as it so often does), then today’s post is here for you. Because this time, we’re exploring how to deal with rejection. The gentle art of sitting with and coming through, when it does hit.

So, as always: settle in, get comfy and if you feel called to – get cosy. Because when rejection’s up for discussion, it’s always a good idea to feel safe and soothed.

And just so you know I’m right there with you, I may or may not be clutching my emotional support blanket as I write. (Well, it’s technically a scarf, but it does the job all the same!)

Still Sailing Through

If you caught last week’s post, you’ll know that what started as a single reflection has quietly evolved into a three-part journey.

Because rejection, as it turns out, isn’t something that can be wrapped up in one sitting – it has layers, moods, and its own weather system to navigate.

So, as we continue this quiet voyage, here’s where we are in the story so far:

1️⃣ Part A: Was rejection at its roots. Why it hurts us and where that pain really comes from. 🌿 →  Why Rejection Hurts & What It’s Really Telling Us)

2️⃣ Part B (this post): Is about riding the storm. How we can manage, cope with and kindly move through rejection when it lands.

3️⃣ Part C: Finding the growth. How rejection can shift us, stretch us and quietly set us free in ways we never expected. 🌿 → Anchors up, it’s time to sail through

A Quick Peek at What’s Ahead

Before we begin – this one’s a little on the long (and emotional) side, so I’ve popped some quick links below in case you’d like to skip ahead. Think of it as a handy map to carry with you through the storm – hot drink optional, comfort blanket recommended 😊

Reflecting Back To Last Week: Why Rejection Hurts

Before we dive into the “how to,” let’s take a moment to pause and glance back at what we uncovered in part one. Because understanding why rejection hurts is often the very first step in learning how to meet it with kindness.

(If you missed it, you can find it here 🌿 →  Why Rejection Hurts & What It’s Really Telling Us)

We explored how modern-day rejection – whether it’s a ghosted message or being overlooked online – still activates the same stress responses as physical risk. And how, for shy or sensitive souls, that pain can linger quietly beneath the surface, reopening old wounds and quietly shaping how we see ourselves.

We also touched on the cycle of rejection: how the fear of being hurt can lead us to hold back, dim our light, or even reject parts of ourselves – all in the name of staying safe. Which becomes especially relevant when we start to think about stepping into our spotlights.

And perhaps most importantly, we reminded ourselves that this is not weakness. It’s wiring. And once we begin to understand it, we can start to soften toward it.

Questions To Ponder

At the end of the last post, I left you with two questions:

Where in your life might the fear of rejection be quietly holding the reins and what would it feel like to take just one step back into the light?

And is it possible that you’ve been rejecting a part of yourself, in an effort to stay safe?

They’re not easy questions and that’s okay. Rejection is a complex, tender topic. I don’t expect you to have all the answers and this isn’t a test.

Sometimes, simply asking the question is enough. Taking a few quiet moments to sit with these reflections can begin to shift something. Slowly, we start to bring our fears into the light and that’s often where the healing begins.

And honestly, I found myself circling back to those same questions even after I hit publish. Because life has a funny way of showing us where rejection is still quietly hiding out – often in the very places we thought we’d already made peace.

Strangely, it turned out to be helpful. It gave me a real-life nudge to use some of the techniques I’m about to share.

☁️ Riding Out The Clouds – How to Deal With Rejection When It Strikes

Today’s post is here to expand our growing vault of simple tools – the quiet things we can reach for, if and when we need them.

Because yes – knowledge is power – but in moments of rejection, it’s often reassurance that holds the real strength. Just knowing we have something steady to lean on can make all the difference when the emotional storm rolls in.

And when those tools live within us – not outside of us – something powerful begins to shift. We no longer need to chase safety from others. We become the safe place we were looking for.

Each time we ride out those cloudy moments and emerge – a little windswept, perhaps, but still here – we strengthen the one thing we all quietly need: self-trust.

And in my experience, that’s the root of something even deeper: self-worth.

Because self-trust is the quiet belief that we can show up and cope with whatever storm life brings. And self-worth reminds us that we’re worthy of riding those waves in the first place.

So, in keeping with the storm analogy, if there’s one thing we can count on, it’s this:

The storm always passes.

It might take its time. It might come with thunderbolts and the occasional capsized ship. But there’s always an end in sight. There’s always a rescue boat on the horizon.

And sometimes – in some cases – it wasn’t even a storm to begin with. Just a cloudy sky, that looked a little heavier than it really was.

The Forecast That Never Came

If you happen to live in the UK, you’ll know this all too well: every winter – without fail – there’s always a storm on the way. Or so the news would have us believe.

It’s dramatic. It’s bordering on catastrophic. It even gets its own name.

But before you know it, it’s already passed. Maybe it blew over your wheelie bin. Maybe it didn’t show up at all. (Not that it stops the whole railway system grinding to a halt because of a single leaf on the track. Don’t even get me started on the UK rail network.)

Either way, it’s rarely what we were actually told to prepare for. And as useful as the weather forecast can be (sort of), it’s just that – a forecast. A prediction. Not a certainty.

💭 Side note: I know other countries face real, catastrophic weather – but here in the UK, we’re warned a lot. And let’s be honest: aside from a whole lot of rain and a bit of wind, our climate is pretty tame. Anyway… moving on.

What’s helped me is learning to view perceived rejection in much the same way. Yes, sometimes the weather guy (or gal) gets it right. But even then, we usually come through unscathed.

So maybe asking someone out for a drink does carry the risk of rejection. But maybe it doesn’t. Maybe they’re the love of your life. Maybe that one brave move changes everything.

And maybe, they say no. But they weren’t the right fit for you anyway. And now? You’ve survived the sting. You’ve lived through it.

And instead of a blown-over wheelie bin, your ego’s taken a little hit but your self-trust has just been handed a life jacket.

You’ve weathered the storm.

My Point Is:

If we believed every weather warning, we might never leave the house. And if we believed every anxious thought predicting rejection, we might never make the first move.

But when we know we have tools to face whatever comes – we don’t need to panic. We can anchor in, breathe, and prepare with calm.

And while dropping anchor and letting things be is a powerful strategy, there’s something else we can lean into – when, or if, rejection does strike:

Time.

The First 90 Seconds

As we know, rejection can land in all sorts of ways.

It’s the silence after the message. The simple “no” in response to something that mattered. Or even just a subtle sense of not being seen.

However it shows up, it’s usually the body that registers it first. Before the mind has a chance to catch up, your nervous system is already on alert.

So, what helps us in those moments?

The first step is to remind both body and mind that you are physically safe. That reassurance creates just enough space to begin calming the nervous system.

And those few seconds can make all the difference.

Which is where the first 90 seconds comes in.

Now, this isn’t a golden rule (though if you do manage to get the stopwatch out, power to you!). But it’s a helpful window. A small pocket of time where we can step in and steady ourselves before the storm fully takes over.

And if it’s been an hour, a day, or even a few months before you realise rejection has taken hold – that’s okay too. The tools below still apply.

So when you feel that first sting of rejection – or the delayed ache that sneaks in later – try starting here:

Step 1: Name The Storm

When rejection strikes, I feel it as a weird shoot of something – not quite pain, but not easy to describe either. It’s like a jolt to the stomach. A sudden drop.

So, the kindest thing you can do in that moment?

Name it. Just like the lovely weather people do.

Start simple. Be honest. Say to yourself:

“Well… that one hurt.”
“I don’t feel enough here.”
“I feel quite invisible.”

It doesn’t need to be dramatic or poetic – it just needs to reflect how you feel, in that moment. Because naming the feeling helps create a little distance. A small pause between you and the storm.

And here’s a little trick that’s helped me: Actually give the storm a name.

Why? Because it separates you from the experience.

“Oh, there’s storm Dennis again. Doing his thing.” (Obviously, it doesn’t have to be Dennis – unless that feels right.)

The aim is simply to let your nervous system know:

“It’s okay. I see you. I hear you. We’ve got this. We’re safe. It’s just Dennis again.”

Step Two: Calm The Water

We’ve named the feeling – maybe even christened it with a name – and now it’s time to calm the water and anchor in.

And the good news? We already know how to do this. Because all we really need is to breathe.

You might remember way back in Blog 3b, we explored some simple breathing techniques to use when fear takes hold. Well, this is where theory becomes practice.

(In case you need a refresher or you missed it, you can revisit the techniques here  🌿 → Breathing Techniques for Fear & Anxiety | Calm Your Breath & Mind)

For stormy moments like these, I often suggest box breathing, but honestly, any form of deep, intentional breath is enough.

The aim isn’t perfection. The aim is to slow things down.

If you can, gently close your eyes. Place your feet flat on the floor – this helps you feel grounded and brings you back to the present moment.

Then breathe. Let the moment be what it is. No fixing. No rushing. Just breath and presence.

As you do, place one hand (or both) over your heart. Feel its rhythm. And notice how, with each breath, it begins to soften and slow.

In your mind, quietly say:

“All is well. I am safe.”

Repeat it as many times as you need. And when you feel ready, open your eyes.

Step Three: Steady The Ship

As with any storm, there’s often a moment of calm afterwards but with it, a quiet question: “Will it come back?”

And although we’ve named the storm, watched it pass through, and calmed the fear, now comes a final – and vital step: reassuring the crew.

Self-compassion – or self-love – can sometimes get a bad reputation. It might feel awkward, indulgent, or even a little cringey. But it’s not selfish. And it’s certainly not strange to give yourself a moment of kindness.

You’ve just weathered something turbulent. Now it’s time to let the experience settle in.

Personally, I give myself a little hug after moments like this, a gentle rub of the shoulders, a quiet pat on the back. A supportive, “We got through that.”

You may even catch yourself doing something similar without realising it. Self-soothing is a natural instinct, one we often forget to honour.

Because what we’re really doing here is offering ourselves a lifeline – a reminder that how we’re feeling is human, it’s allowed and it will pass.

And if you’re someone who’s quite partial to a bit of inner criticism (I know I am), this step might feel a little strange at first. In that case, try borrowing a different voice – someone you trust, someone who sees the best in you. Sometimes it just sounds more believable coming from them than it does from us. And that’s okay.

You’re not trying to fake anything. You’re simply learning how to be kinder to yourself – one storm at a time.

Grounding Tools for Rejection – A Small Pebble For Stormy Days

Grounding exercises and breathing techniques are wonderful in those quiet moments when we’re alone and able to fully immerse ourselves in the process.

But life doesn’t always offer perfect conditions. In fact, rejection often strikes right when we can’t anchor in.

And if you’re a quiet, shy soul like me, the idea of pausing in public – closing your eyes, taking deep breaths – can feel like enough to turn a passing breeze into a full-blown hurricane.

So, here’s a little trick I’ve found helpful: I carry something with me I’ve lovingly named my stress rock.

Some call it a worry stone, a grounding object, or even a literal anchor. Whatever you call it, the idea is the same.

Instead of grounding myself to the earth, I ground through touch. I hold the pebble in my hand and breathe with it. And if closing my eyes doesn’t feel safe or right? I don’t. Best of all – no one around me even knows I’m doing it.

I’ve used my stress rock everywhere: at the dentist, before Zoom calls, when I can’t sleep, even during mid-flight turbulence. Sometimes, just knowing it’s there is enough to quiet the storm.

And here’s the thing – it doesn’t need to be a rock. It could be a smooth pebble, a small crystal, a ring, a shell, a button from a favourite coat. Just something small, subtle, easy to carry and comforting to hold.

And if you ever leave the house without it? No worries.

The fabric of your clothes, the sleeve of your jumper, a coffee cup, even the chair beneath you – anything you can touch with intention can become your anchor.

Because it’s not really about the object. It’s about the act of coming back to yourself . Quietly and kindly.
It’s creating a sense of safety within. It’s separating you from the storm.

And eventually, just know this:

Clear Skies Always Follow (Reframing Rejection)

Once the initial sting has passed and the rain begins to ease, it’s only natural to want to shut the whole experience away. The mind steps in to protect us and sometimes, even the thought of reflecting can stir up those very same feelings all over again.

But as we explored in Part One, the mind doesn’t just let things go. It stores the memory of rejection somewhere deep, quietly filed away for “next time.”

Now that we’ve gently separated ourselves from the storm, we can help the mind along. Not by erasing the memory, but by reframing it.

We’re not lying to ourselves. We’re simply offering a different version of the story. One that supports us, rather than defeats us.

Because no matter how much we try to avoid it, rejection is a part of life. But how we meet it – how we reflect, reshape, and make peace with it. That’s where true growth begins.

So how can we begin to do that?

Flip The Script

Try offering a different perspective on the event, not to deny your feelings, but to give them room to breathe.

If it helps, imagine you’re a kind friend or wise teacher, guiding yourself through the moment. Step into their shoes – someone with compassion, distance, and no agenda. If you feel comfortable, you might even reach out to someone you trust and talk it through.

Or, if you’re anything like me, a journal can become your most loyal sounding board. Even speaking your thoughts out loud can help bring a little clarity.

The aim here isn’t to force positivity, but to gently widen the lens.

Start by asking yourself, softly and curiously:

Was this rejection perceived, or personal?

Different Kinds of Rejection, Different Kinds of Reflection

Because while both kinds feel very real – and both can sting – the intensity, meaning, and the kind of support we need can vary.

Perceived rejection often comes from the fear of being judged, ignored, or criticised. It’s usually sparked by silence or ambiguity – an unread message, a post that doesn’t get a response, a conversation that feels just a little one-sided.

Personal rejection, on the other hand, is more direct. It lands as a clear ‘no’ – a relationship ending, a friendship drifting, or someone letting you know they no longer want to be part of your world.

So why distinguish between the two?

Because the way we reflect, reframe, and begin to make peace with rejection depends on the kind of storm we’ve just weathered.

Sometimes we simply need a shift in perspective. Other times, we need something deeper: time, compassion and a whole lot of self-care.

Perceived Rejection – Reading Between The Silences

🌥 (It’s often subtle, silent, and internal)

These moments often sting – not because we’ve been outright rejected, but because they brush up against our own fears and beliefs.

They stir old insecurities and past experiences. But more often than not, they don’t actually reflect anything true about what we’re doing in that moment.

In these situations, it can help to pause and ask:

What if someone did read my post and really needed it? Do likes and comments truly define its worth?

Is it possible I’m attaching meaning to something that doesn’t need it?

Could this be more about the other person – maybe they simply need time?

By asking these questions, we begin to create space – a little distance between the fear and the facts – and a kinder way of seeing the situation.

Holding The Mirror To Our Fears

A lack of response often reflects something deeper back to us, the fear of being ignored, unseen, or unappreciated.

These are valid fears. Part of the human experience. And in many ways, they’re the quiet clouds our mind carries to keep us safe.

But when we begin to recognise them for what they really are and take ownership of them, we start to reshape the weight they carry. And in doing so, we calm the fear that often tags along for the ride.

This is how we flip the perceived rejection script. By shifting our focus from the outside world (which we can’t control) to our own internal landscape, which we can.

And when we do that, something changes. The next time we post something, send a message, or step into our quiet spotlight – whatever that looks like – we’re not doing it for the response. We’re doing it for ourselves. Regardless of how it lands.

The more we do this, the more we show up. And the more we show up, the more inner trust we build.

But sometimes, that silence really is personal.

Personal Rejection – The Silence That Meant Something

❤️‍🩹 (Clear, direct and often final)

If somebody says, “I don’t want to be with you anymore,” or “we can’t be friends,” – well, that hurts. Because in truth, we’re being pushed away, shut out, or even cast aside. And as we know, that sets off a red alarm in the evolutionary brain – for good reason.

But after the initial storm passes, we all know that’s just the beginning. It’s only natural for our self-worth, our heart and our soul to take a hit. This is where the ice cream and duvet days truly earn their place.

But eventually – slowly – we need to dust ourselves off and find a way to stand again.

That’s not to say we can’t take responsibility for our part in things. But honestly? If you’re here, reading this, reflecting with me – you probably already have. That’s often why we feel the sting so sharply in the first place.

Drifted Apart But Still Whole at Heart

It may feel as if your heart’s broken – but in reality, it’s not. Because when someone pushes us out of their world, it’s not a reflection of our value. It’s not about our worth.

It’s about alignment.

And in these moments, it can help to meet yourself with kindness, compassion and care – by asking:

If someone can’t accept me, is that really a place I want to stay?

What might I have reflected to them that they couldn’t face in themselves?

What does this say about them – not me?

How would it feel to be surrounded by people who genuinely value me?

Even in the ache of it all, we can begin to trust this truth:

We’re not any less lovable, or less worthy, just because someone couldn’t stay. Their leaving doesn’t define who we are.

It simply means their chapter in our story has ended. And maybe – just maybe – the next one has something different in store. Maybe even better.

So take your time. As much as you need. Because healing isn’t about rushing forward. It’s about remembering that you are whole, just as you are.

After Rejection – When The Clouds Clear, Curiosity Returns

This is the moment we pause and quietly say:

We’ve sat with it. We’ve felt it. And we’ve made it through this particular moment of rejection.

It may not have been graceful. There may have been tears, quiet heartache, and days when the duvet felt like the only safe place to be. But still – we made it through. And that, in itself, is something to celebrate.

If this is as far as you go for now, that’s more than enough. Because every moment of recognition, every quiet act of self-acceptance, is a small but mighty victory. With each one, we hand self-trust the win.

And from there, confidence begins to grow – steadily and in its own time.

But before we close the book completely, there’s one final thread in our rejection journey. A chapter that deserves a little more space than this post can hold: The part where we don’t just survive rejection – we grow from it.

We use it to become more grounded, more clear, and more ourselves.

Because when we’re still in the thick of things, diving into the deeper lessons can feel too soon – too sharp. True healing asks for time. It waits until the storm has truly passed.

And that’s exactly where we’ll be heading next: To the final pages of this rejection story, where growth takes root and something new begins.

Until Next Time…

Be kind to your brilliant, lovely self – you’ve weathered far more than you often give yourself credit for.

And just before I go, I’ll leave you with a couple of questions to keep you company while I work on part three: 🌿 → How to Grow from Rejection

Is there a moment of rejection from your past that still lingers quietly within you?

And what new story might you tell about that moment, if you looked at it through a neutral lens – or maybe even a kinder one?

I’ll see you soon,

Charlotte 🪷

Before You Go

Not ready for that? You can explore how coaching works here 🌿→ Coaching Page

Before You Sail Off – FAQ Confession:

Small confession time – this next bit is partly for SEO purposes (so people searching ‘how to deal with rejection‘ can find this post on the vast and often choppy seas of the Google algorithm – one of things that just has to be done).

But since you’re already here, it also works rather well as a quick recap before we meet again:

If you’ve reached the end of this FAQ, thank you so much 🫶

Gentle Note: This post is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. For more information please click here 🌿→ Disclaimer Page.