Hello you! I hope you’re having a lovely day – and thank you, as always, for being here. Today’s post is a little different from usual. We’re taking a gentle step back to pause and reflect, because we’ve reached a milestone in our fear-friendship journey. So it feels like the right moment to honour that. And we’ll be reflecting on fear & anxiety and everything we’ve uncovered so far.
As with most things in life, before we move forward, it’s often wise to pause. To take a breath, reflect, and give ourselves a little metaphorical pat on the back. That’s exactly what this post is here to do.
So, as I always say – take a seat, get comfy, and let me ramble on for a little while. Perhaps grab a warm drink or pop on some soothing music while you read. I say this because, truthfully, it’s exactly what I’m doing as I write. My workspace has the illusion of a spa today – minus the expensive treatments and those lovely white bathrobes. At least my bank balance is happy about it.
Anyway, moving on.
Our journey so far has put fear under the microscope – and rightly so. We’ve explored how it feels, why it strikes, and where it tends to hide. Things did get a little physical at times, but I think we’re on better terms because of it. And we’ve picked up some handy tools to turn to when it inevitably pops up again.
So let’s gently review. Think of this as a little refresher – but with some method in the madness. Especially when we consider how everything we’ve explored so far helps us begin to slowly unpack some of that lovely…
Emotional Storage
Back in Blog 4b, “Flare Up, Settle Down”, I introduced the idea of emotional storage. It’s how the mind quietly tucks away fears, beliefs, and experiences in the body – just to help us get through the day.
It’s part of being human and it helps explain why fear (alongside so many other emotions) can show up physically – as those familiar niggles, aches, headaches, sleep disruptions…just to name a few.
I also left you with a question – and to be fair, I did admit at the time that it was a juicy one:
What’s hiding in your emotional cupboard and how might it feel to gently open that door?
Well, as promised, now feels like a good time to give that question a little love, a sprinkle of insight, and most importantly, the space it so rightly deserves.
A Little Emotional Spring Cleaning
Honestly? This question – or ones like it – has stumped me in the past. Depending on the day (and the cupboard), it still does. You might be thinking the same: “This is all well and good, Charlotte, but how do I actually peek into this cupboard?”
Brilliant question – one I’ve asked myself once or maybe a hundred times. Deep (and slightly invasive) questions like these often leave me wondering:
Do I need a therapist? A coach? A trusted friend? A journal? Maybe even a psychedelic mushroom experience?
And – at the risk of sitting on the fence (again) – the answer is, wonderfully individual.
We’re all at different stages in befriending our fears. We’ve all lived different lives and with that comes our own unique emotional storage needs.
So, it wouldn’t feel right to steer you too strongly in any one direction. I’m always a little cautious about sweeping suggestions when it comes to something so deeply personal. This is partly why the online health and wellness world makes me a little uneasy, grand statements like “do this” or “don’t do that” might be well-meaning, but they’re rarely tailored to you.
What I feel I Can Say is This:
If you feel a therapist might be helpful in your world, that’s a powerful and courageous first step. I’ve taken that path a few times myself and found it deeply worthwhile.
And yes, I have to mention coaching (given, well, I am one). But truly, coaches have their place and these days, you can find one for just about every niche under the sun. From fitness to fertility. From spirituality to mindset. Even for the shy souls. (That one would be me.) Okay, I’ll stop with the self-promotion now.
(Side note: I’ll be dedicating a future blog to what coaches are, what they aren’t, and where they might fit – in case that piques your interest, hold that thought.)
Of course, the support of a trusted friend can also work wonders. Sometimes just an open chat over a warm drink is enough to settle those insistent worries. As they say: “a problem shared is a problem halved.” (Not always – but often enough to be worth a try.)
And maybe, if you’re a shy, quiet, or introverted soul like me, a journal can offer a peaceful space to be alone with your thoughts. A place where the pen and page become a soft buffer between your inner world and the outside noise.
As for the mushroom experience? Well… I’ll most definitely leave that one up to you. Legalities and all.
In the end, whatever path you take (or don’t take), I hope this blog offers you a pocket of calm, a small corner of the internet for reflection and gentle exploration. A time to focus on you.
Which makes the next paragraph a little easier to digest.
Let’s Be Selfish!
Now, at the risk of sounding a tiny bit cringe – stay with me. I feel I need to share this, because admittedly, it took me a fair few years to realise it myself.
You are the centre of your own world. Just as I am the centre of mine.
Yes, I know – it sounds selfish. And maybe it is, a little. But that’s okay. Because if we don’t care for our own needs, emotions, and feelings – who will?
If we can’t learn to be our own biggest cheerleaders, how can we offer that same support to the people around us? To our families, our friends, our communities, even the wider world?
And here’s the reassuring part: you’re already doing it.
If you’ve followed this series, even briefly. Taken a little time to sit with those slightly annoying end-of-post questions (no worries if you’ve skipped a few!). Well, you’ve already started.
You’re quietly tidying that emotional filing system. Which means you are focusing on the most important thing – you.
It’s not always a dramatic “let’s empty the whole cupboard” kind of clearing. More often, it’s a soft tidy-up. A gentle dusting. A little clearing of space – one box at a time. That’s my kind of clearing system.
Because life is a marathon, not a sprint.
And perhaps the simplest truth of all is this: when we start accepting how we are – and where we are – we begin to build the self-trust we need to create real, lasting change.
Also – just so you know – I’m right here with you. Practising what I preach, right by your virtual side.
And if you’re wondering whether the soothing spa playlist and lemongrass candle, I mentioned earlier, are contributing to this heartfelt cringe-fest well, you’re absolutely right.
But still – it’s the truth.
Now, to spare us both, let’s get practical and take a look at how we may have quietly dusted off those emotional shelves…
What’s Your Spotlight?
Hello fear, can we be friends?
Our journey began by putting fear under the spotlight – so let’s place it back there again, right where it belongs.
In my very first post, aptly named “🌿 →Stepping Into Our Spotlight”, I introduced a rather radical idea: making friends with fear. We explored what fear is, why we feel it, and the possibility of learning to ride alongside it, rather than push against it.
I also shared my spotlight with you: writing this blog and posting on social media.
Now, I’ll admit – over the past few weeks, those fears have started to soften. I feel more at home here in this little corner of the internet (a sentence I truly never thought I’d say). There’s still a way to go – especially with social media, which continues to feel somewhat alien, but fear hasn’t packed its bags entirely. It still clings to my side as I navigate it. And yet, I’ve found that breathing, wiggling, and writing through it really does help.
And I asked you the question:
What’s your spotlight? What’s that one thing that stirs up fear in you?
If you’ve uncovered what that is – amazing. Because once we identify something, we bring it out into the open. We create just enough space to separate from it, even a little. And hopefully, that brings you a small sense of relief – which is this: fear is universal. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
While that doesn’t take the sting away completely, it can offer a touch of comfort. Especially when the spotlight looms.
But if your spotlight has yet to uncover itself – no worries at all. Sometimes, just understanding what an emotion is, how it feels, and why it shows up is half the battle. In time, the things that stir fear in us will reveal themselves and with all this new awareness, we’ll be in a much better position to cope (and maybe even flourish) when they do.
Either way, by reading this, you’ve turned the spotlight back onto fear and that, in itself, is momentum.
We may not be walking hand in hand with our fears just yet (and maybe we never will) – but recognising fear as a natural, automatic response helps us see it more neutrally. Because emotions are just that – natural.
Which brings us nicely to another emotion that often tags along…
Fear Vs Anxiety
Is this fear I am feeling or is this anxiety?
In blog two, “🌿 → Same Dread, Different Thread”, we explored the often-blurry line between fear and anxiety – two emotional threads that can feel almost identical, but call for slightly different responses.
With a few personal stories (including a mildly traumatic car gear situation), we unpacked how fear is often immediate and physical, while anxiety tends to linger in anticipation.
Most importantly, we began to recognise how emotional fear – the kind that shapes our choices and holds hands with anxiety – is often what lies beneath our spotlights. And that’s a helpful distinction to carry with us as we move forward in this series (but more on that a little later).
I left you with this question:
When you think about your spotlight – is it fear you’re feeling, or is it anxiety?
Now, depending on the spotlight, it might be one – or most likely, both. Some situations spark genuine fear: perhaps you broke your ankle ice skating one Christmas – understandably painful and fear-inducing. But if the thought of stepping back onto the ice still keeps you up at night? That’s when anxiety has joined the party.
Knowing the difference can help, even if fear and anxiety often blur together.
And either way, both can be soothed – or even banished – by something we all have, all share, and literally need to stay alive…
How Are You Breathing?
In blog 3a, we explored the fascinating – and sometimes frustrating – relationship between fear, anxiety, and the breath. We uncovered how our breathing subtly shifts, often without us realising, when fear creeps in, from shallow and fast to tight and held.
We also looked at how simply becoming aware of our breath can be a gentle first step towards calming both body and mind. This post wasn’t about controlling the breath perfectly – but about getting to know it, and maybe, starting to befriend it.
I also left you with two questions:
Where in your day could you pause for just one calm breath?
How might your friendship with fear shift with just a quiet pause and a breath?
In blog 3b, we explored a toolkit of simple, grounding breathing techniques to help ease fear and anxiety. From box breathing to extended exhales, each practice was shared with a reminder that there’s no one “right” way – only what feels most supportive to you.
More than anything, this post invited you to treat your breath not just as a survival function. It can also be a calm, steady companion through life’s shakier moments.
And I left you with two more questions:
Which breathing technique feels like the right fit for you?
And how might it help you grow that friendship with fear?
Some techniques may work better than others and that’s perfectly okay. Whichever you choose, just remember: your breath is always your friend.
The Breath is Quietly Multipurpose
And it’s there for both the everyday and the moments that matter. If you’ve ever noticed someone taking a deep breath before speaking, it’s often their body’s natural way of centring and preparing. I know I do this – even in one-to-one conversations that feel a little tricky.
The aim here wasn’t to master anything, just to build gentle awareness of something we all naturally carry.
Essentially, our bodies often do so much to help us, without us even realising. So when we’re able to use this to our advantage, we really do have a powerful tool. And we expanded further on this when things got…
Physical
In blog 4a, we explored how fear and anxiety can quietly lodge themselves in the body – showing up as muscle tension, clenched jaws, aching shoulders, or that subtle sense of always “holding on.”
We looked at how gentle techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, stretching, and simply pausing to notice can help soften the physical load. This post was a reminder that awareness doesn’t mean we have to fix everything – sometimes, just noticing with kindness is enough to help us let go.
I left you with the customary questions at the end:
When you check in with your body – how much tension are you holding?
And when you think about your spotlight – what do you notice in how your body feels?
Sometimes, we don’t realise just how much we’re holding in. I know for me, tension became my new normal – and I was genuinely shocked to see how tightly held together I actually was.
But becoming aware of how we feel in moments of calm can help us better notice how fear or anxiety – when they’re in full swing – affect us physically.
In blog 4b, we turned our attention to the more subtle (and sneaky) ways fear and anxiety can affect our health – from tension headaches to digestive discomfort, skin flare-ups to emotional fatigue.
Drawing on the idea of the body as a keeper of emotional storage, we explored how physical symptoms are often our body’s quiet way of calling for care. And we began to see them not as problems to fix, but as signs to listen to – and respond to – with curiosity, gentleness, and trust.
And I left you with that all-too-familiar question, one that brings us a little closer to what truly sits beneath our fears and spotlights:
What’s hiding in your “emotional cupboard,” and how might it feel to gently open that door?
I ask the question again because, sometimes, we need to hear things more than once. Our minds are remarkably good at steering us toward what’s easy to face – and quietly shelving the things we may need to hear, but aren’t quite ready for.
If nothing else, it shows just how hard our minds try to protect us by using every tool they have. Now, I’d love to say I’m always kind to my mind for doing this… but I’d be lying. Because sometimes, our minds can be our biggest critics and the ways they try to keep us safe can actually hold us back.
And before I carry myself away on a long tangent, I’ll simply ask you to hold that thought until the end of this post.
Because there’s one final – and equally important – physical step we need to revisit. And that would be…
How Is Your Sleep?
🌿 → Fear, Anxiety & The Sleep Struggle
In blog 5a, we explored the often-rocky relationship between fear, anxiety, and sleep – and let’s just say, they’re not the most harmonious couple. We unpacked what actually happens when we sleep, why it matters so much, and how things like our sleep cycles, hormones, and nervous system all play a part in keeping us (ideally) rested and restored.
It turns out, sleep isn’t lazy, it’s deeply intelligent. It helps us heal, regulate, and reset. But when fear and anxiety sneak in – especially at night – they can interfere with all of this, leaving us foggy, frazzled, and wondering why we feel so drained even after a “full” night’s sleep.
I left you with two questions:
How are you sleeping?
And how rested do you feel the moment you open your eyes?
I ask this because so much emphasis is often placed on how many hours we’ve had. Valid as that point is, we now know that quality really does mean a little more than quantity. So if you feel like you’re getting “enough” sleep but still wake up with heavy eyes – it might be the quality that needs a little support.
🌿 → Restoring the Bond Between Fear & Sleep
In blog 5b, we gently shifted from science to practice – exploring how we might support the bond between fear and sleep, and maybe even help them get back on speaking terms. From creating a calming space and winding down with intention, to small shifts like reducing caffeine or catching morning light. Each suggestion was a gentle invitation, not a rigid rule.
More than anything, this post was about reclaiming rest as an act of care. Because in honouring our sleep, we’re really honouring ourselves – and restoring the energy we need to meet life’s spotlights with a steadier mind and a calmer body.
Sleep truly is another powerful tool in our friendship with fear.
And with that in mind, we’ve reached…
The End of The Road
Sleep might mark the final stop on our journey through the physical side of fear – but it’s certainly not the end of the story.
Because while the body carries so much of what we feel, the mind quietly holds what we often don’t say. And though I know I’ve spoken a fair bit about emotional storage lately, the truth is – recognising how fear affects us physically is just one half of the fear-friendship journey.
The real magic begins when we ask – What’s underneath this fear?
So, as we gently close this chapter, we begin to open a new one – one that leads us into the mind.
Until Next Time
In the next phase, we’ll start exploring the emotional roots of fear – and I can’t think of a better place to begin than with one of the biggest, most quietly universal fears of all: rejection.
Next time, we’ll be looking at why this particular fear runs so deep, how it shapes our thoughts and behaviours, and how we might begin softening its grip.
But before I say goodbye for now, I just want to thank you — truly — for being here with me and reading my ramblings. It’s lovely to know we’re in this together. And I want you to know how proud I am of you for finding the time to explore your fears.
And on that note – I’ll see you soon,
Charlotte 🪷
P.S. If you’re wondering who’s been tidying their own emotional cupboard (slowly, with frequent tea breaks and occasional distractions), yes – still me. You can find out more about the person behind the posts here 🌿 → About Me.
And if you’ve been quietly reflecting too — or simply want some gentle company as you keep exploring your own fear-friendship journey — I’m here. You can learn more about my 1:1 coaching support here 🌿 → My Coaching.
