Why Do I Feel Awkward in Social Situations?

The Handshake, the Hug and the Wave

Hello you. If you’ve found your way here, you’ve probably asked yourself at some point, why do I feel awkward in social situations? Me too 🙋‍♀️

Being truly honest, it’s a question I’ve avoided for a long time. Because as a shy person, all I ever really want is to blend in, feel comfortable and not draw any attention to myself.

So turning the spotlight back onto my own behaviour hasn’t exactly been top of the to-do list. But I’m going to give it a go.

Allow me to walk you through a rather challenging social encounter of my own. Because what looks like awkwardness on the surface is often something else entirely.

Why Saying Hello Can Feel Awkward in Social Situations

When “Oh, Hello” becomes a whole situation

I met someone new the other day and somehow managed to go in for a hug, a handshake and a wave all at once.

I was standing in a crowded space at my first ever ecstatic dance (don’t ask 🤫), speaking to someone I’d never met before, and in a split second of hesitation, it was as if every social norm I’d ever known had quietly left the building. Or in this case, the tent.

I couldn’t work out what to do with myself and my thoughts were moving quickly:

Are they a hugger?

Do I shake their hand?

Oh Charlotte, don’t make this any more awkward than it already is.

Which, of course, made it exactly that. Because in trying to get it right, I somehow did all three things at once.

It was clumsy, a little mismatched and definitely not the smooth, free-flowing energy I imagine an ecstatic dance calls for. Though, to be fair, that may have been a stretch for me on any given day.

Also, the funny thing is, I’m not even a hugger.

I’m far more comfortable with a wave, a smile, and a simple “hello,” even with people I know well. Which is perfectly okay, we’re all entitled to our own boundaries.

But in that moment, it felt like there was a quiet pressure to do the ‘right’ thing. To meet them where they might be, rather than where I naturally am. So I tried to do both and somehow ended up doing neither particularly well.

I felt pretty embarrassed. It really did feel as though I had managed to get something so simple, so human, completely wrong. But when I gave the moment a little space, it started to make more sense.

What Awkward Social Moments Are Really About

Peeking underneath the surface of things

I’m partial to the odd moment of self-analysis, so I gave this awkward interaction a little attention. Well, my journal did. Because I wasn’t being awkward in the way I first thought. If anything, I was trying not to be. I was trying to come across as open, relaxed and like I had this whole ‘be at one with the music’ thing sorted.

I feel this is something we don’t always recognise.

We often imagine shyness as quiet, reserved, or hesitant. But it doesn’t always show up that way. Sometimes it does the opposite. Sometimes it pushes us to try harder, to be more expressive, more animated, or more outward than we naturally feel. I’ve noticed this can shift depending on the environment we’re in.

In that dance space, there was a pull to be more open, more free-flowing, more “on it.” Not because that’s who I am at my core, but because it felt like the version of me that would fit best in that moment.

Put me in a quieter setting, like a book club, and something entirely different would likely emerge. To be fair, that’s probably more my natural habitat. But that doesn’t mean I’m inconsistent or unsure of who I am. It means I’m adjusting, trying to land somewhere that feels socially acceptable.

And when we do that in real time, things can come out a little messy, where we walk away asking ourselves:

Why did I act like that?

Or if you’re anything like me, questioning your life choices entirely.

Because it’s so easy to take moments like this personally, to turn them into evidence that we’re awkward, or bad with people, or somehow behind where we should be.

I don’t think that’s what’s happening, because these moments aren’t flaws in who we are. They’re human. It’s what happens when we’re navigating connection while also not wanting to get it wrong.

Why Awkward Moments Happen So Quickly

The split second uncertainty

What I’ve started to notice is that these moments move very quickly, there’s a split second of uncertainty and a small pause where the mind goes:

“What do I do?”

Then suddenly we’re reacting, adjusting and trying to land it well. Often by doing more than actually feels natural. For me, that can look like a quiet “let’s get this done” mentality, a subtle rush to move through the moment and get back to safer ground.

Which, ironically, is exactly what created the awkward introduction in the first place.

How to Handle Awkward Moments in the Moment

The moment you can use

That split second, the one where your mind asks “What do I do?” that’s the moment.

Not something you need to fix immediately, or something to rush past, but something you can begin to notice. Because even noticing that thought creates a little bit of space. That space gives you a moment to choose, rather than react.

How to Keep Things Simple in Social Situations

Even when it feels too simple

I’ve had quite a few awkward social interactions in my time. Clumsy introductions, filling pauses with too many words, stumbling when I feel eyes on me. Well, I still do. What has helped me is keeping things simple. Because when everything feels messy, it’s easy to try and do more and say more.

But a simple hello, a smile, a handshake, a short sentence, whatever feels most natural to you, is a great place to start. At first, it can feel like you’re under-doing it and the urge to add more is strong. But when you slow things down, you start to realise that feeling isn’t truth. It’s your mind trying to keep you safe by moving you away from the discomfort. Which does make sense.

Though there is a bit of irony here, because this slower, simpler way can feel uncomfortable at first.

Those moments where nothing is really happening and you’re not quite sure what to say or do next can feel quite exposing. But if you let that silence sit, even just for a second longer than you normally would, you’re sitting within the discomfort rather than rushing past it.

In doing this, things can feel a little different. You start to realise you don’t have to manage every moment. That the interaction can be as it is, without needing to mask over how it feels.

That doesn’t mean you can’t ask questions or keep things flowing. But those things don’t have to come from pressure, they can come from presence.

What’s Really Going On Beneath Social Awkwardness

When safety and getting it right meet

Over time, I’ve come to see this a little differently. Not as something I’m doing wrong, but as something that is, in its own way, trying to help me.

Because in those moments, there’s often a part of us that doesn’t feel entirely safe. Not unsafe in the immediate danger sense, but uncertain and that alone can be enough for the mind to step in and try to manage things.

The tricky part is that the more we do this, the more we can start to feel slightly disconnected from ourselves within those moments, like we’re performing our way through them, rather than actually being in them. That’s often the part people don’t talk about. Because it’s not just the interaction itself, it’s how it feels to be you within it.

A Different Way to Understand Social Awkwardness

Reframing the social awkwardness picture

If this is something you recognise, please know there’s nothing wrong with you. What you’re experiencing is often a form of self-protection, a pattern that makes far more sense when you take a moment to look beneath the surface.

Because when we begin to understand what’s happening underneath these moments, the meaning we attach to them starts to change. What once felt like “I’m awkward” begins to look more like “I’m trying to navigate something here, while also not wanting to get it wrong.”

Which is a very different place to stand from.

From there, we can start to stay with ourselves a little more, even when it feels uncomfortable. Not perfectly, and not all at once, but with a bit more awareness than before.

Over time, that’s where a quieter sense of trust begins to build. Not from getting every interaction right, but from recognising that we can be in those moments without needing to control them quite so rigidly.

Why Feeling Awkward Isn’t Something You Need to Fix

A quiet note to close

So, if you’ve ever walked away from a moment replaying it in your mind, wondering why it felt harder than it should have, you’re not alone.

These experiences are often less about doing something wrong and more about trying to navigate something, while also feeling the pull to get it right and that’s a lot to hold in a single moment, especially when it all happens so quickly.

If this resonates, you might also find something familiar in the smaller, everyday moments where nothing seems particularly significant from the outside, but still manages to feel exposing on the inside. I’ve written a little more about that here 🌿 → Why Do I Feel Awkward All the Time? Even in Small Moments

And if you’d like a bit more support with this, it’s something I explore more deeply in my coaching space. Not by trying to change who you are, but by helping you understand what’s happening in those moments, so you can feel a little more comfortable within them.

If that feels like something you’d like to explore, you’re very welcome to start with a Quiet Chat.

Either way, if an awkward hello dance finds you this week, just know you’re not alone. I’m right there with you, at least in spirit.

I’ll see you soon,
Charlotte 🌻

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