Why Do I Hate Having My Picture Taken? A Shy Reflection

The Art of Looking Natural While Feeling Anything But

Hello you! Today I’m here to explore a question that pops up in my life from time to time – why do I hate having my picture taken?

As the saying goes, a picture speaks a thousand words. So, maybe that’s one reason this picture-perfect world can create mild panic in those of us who are shy, sensitive or a little more reserved. That quote alone holds quite a bit of emotional weight.

So, by way of exploring this properly, let’s use me as the example. Convenient for the blog, slightly less so for my ego. But hey, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Why Being Photographed Can Feel So Unnatural When You’re Shy

I’ve avoided selfies for a while now. Truth be told, I’ve actually avoided social media too. Which is probably why the art of the perfect selfie feels so unnatural to me. Almost as if I missed the memo on it.

Because, at least to me, the whole process has never quite landed.

Smiling at a camera I’m holding inches away from my face, trying to appear cool, relaxed and completely natural, when I feel anything but.

I’m not judging those who do it. I do understand I’m probably in the minority here. But I also know this isn’t only my love-hate relationship with social media at play, or even my relationship with my own image, my shyness has a role here too.

Which brings me to this week, when I needed a picture of myself for my LinkedIn post. So, deep breaths for me.

Not because I particularly wanted to and not because I suddenly felt comfortable with it. But because I think it’s only fair to show the human behind the words I write.

And with that in mind, if you look above, you’ll see the picture I shared. Because why not show it here too. Besides, it also saves me an endless Canva search for the perfect thumbnail for the post. So win-win for me.

Admittedly, it’s not a selfie. But I’ll just pop one of those here too, you know, in the name of growth.

But this whole process got me thinking. Frankly, I was thankful for the inspiration. If I can get a blog post out of an experience I feel uncomfortable in, then all the better. That’s the positive spin I’m choosing to take from it.

Strike a Pose

So, there I was, standing beneath the beautiful but slightly greying Bali sky. At the same time, I was being told to lift my shoulders, place a hand on my hip and smile. And as someone who has never quite mastered the art of photos, this felt like a lot.

I tend to have an inner dialogue in situations such as these. Usually something along the lines of:

“Ah, this is why the modelling career fell flat.”

Well, the modelling career never started, obviously. But I say things like that to myself to make light of how I’m feeling. Self-protection at its finest and I am British after all, so it’s to be expected.

But really, inside, I felt uncomfortable and rather unsure. Was it picture perfect? Absolutely not. These things rarely are. But did I post it? Yes, begrudgingly.

Now we could leave this here, with a small pat on the back for me. But the whole point of this post is to actually share how all this feels and maybe more importantly, why it felt the way it did.

So I should probably just get to the point.

When the Camera Starts to Feel Like a Spotlight

I don’t think the pictures themselves are always the issue. I think the situation matters too.

For us shy types, having a camera pointed our way can feel a little too much like a spotlight and if it’s a night picture, chances are it literally is.

To me, the discomfort often comes from actually taking the thing. Not only from what the picture looks like afterwards. Though admittedly, the nitpicking of that does come later. Obviously.

But if you’re anything like me, the whole process feels unnatural. We’re expected to stand still, stay upright and smile consistently, which is not how I tend to operate out in the wild.

If anything, I think it only feels normal because it’s so common these days. So perhaps we’ve all just accepted it without really questioning the strangeness of it.

So, as my lovely friend told me what to do, I felt the eyes of the restaurant on me. In reality, people were probably more focused on their cocktails and bar snacks. Oh, and the sunset we were all there to see.

But in my world, I felt very on show.

And maybe that’s why being photographed can overlap so much with those small everyday moments, the ones that look simple from the outside, but feel strangely exposing from the inside. I’ve written more about that in my reflection on why do I feel awkward in social situations.

The Awkwardness of Being Seen

Maybe that’s the part that feels so strange when you’re shy or socially cautious. You’re not simply laughing because something funny happened and you’re not always smiling because you’re in the middle of a moment.

You’re being asked to create the appearance of composure, while your mind is also saying:

“Excuse me, but why are we doing this?!”

Which is to say, it’s not always vanity and it’s not always insecurity. Sometimes it’s the discomfort of feeling visible in a way that feels staged and slightly outside of who we are.

Because when you’re in a photo with someone else, the attention is shared. You’re part of a moment, a memory and of something happening between people.

But when it’s just you, standing there, being captured, there’s nowhere else for the attention to go. Also, maybe part of the discomfort is that a picture captures a moment we can’t quite explain our way around.

We can edit, delete, rephrase and clarify our words. Or at least feel as if we can. But a photo feels more fixed. It holds one version of us in place and, once shared, hands some of the meaning over to the person viewing it.

Which can feel pretty vulnerable. Because we’re not only being seen, we’re being interpreted. That fear of being evaluated can sit very close to the fear of being judged, especially when we care deeply about how we come across.

How to Make Having Your Picture Taken Feel More Manageable

So, if you’ve ever struggled with being photographed, or found the whole posing for the camera experience quite hard to take, well, me too 🙋‍♀️

But because I do try to find something useful in the discomfort, worry not, there are things we can do to reduce it. Not to make the whole camera thing magically effortless, just make it more bearable and perhaps, over time, a little more comfortable.

It’s easy to think this is all down to confidence. Sure, that advice is valid and well-meaning but deep down, it doesn’t really tell us much. Because confidence isn’t something you have, it’s something you create.

That’s why trying to appear comfortable in front of the camera never quite works for me. As lovely as it sounds, it can feel like an unrealistic stretch, at least at first.

Because the aim doesn’t have to be feeling natural or effortless and it doesn’t have to involve suddenly becoming the next Kate Moss. Though wouldn’t that be lovely.

Sometimes the aim is simply to stay with yourself long enough for the moment to happen and to keep things simple.

The Four Ps for Feeling More Comfortable in Photos

Pause, Place, Prop and Permission

So, if you ever find yourself in a camera moment, remember:

Pause: briefly beforehand, take a moment and a breather. If it’s a selfie you’re going for, great, you’re in control. But in the moments you’re not, it’s okay to slow things down, regardless of how enthusiastic, overbearing or lovingly terrifying the person taking the photo may be.

Place: yourself somewhere that feels doable, rather than trying to arrange yourself into a version of relaxed that feels anything but. Turn slightly, if facing the camera straight on feels too much, give the shoulders a quick wiggle if you can, and let your feet feel the ground beneath you.

Prop: if it helps, use a coffee, a bag, a book, sunglasses, or something for your hands to hold while the rest of you remembers how to arrange itself into a pose. Sometimes having something small to do can calm the feeling of standing there, fully exposed, wondering where on earth your hands and arms are actually supposed to go.

Permission: it’s okay to accept this whole thing for what it is, awkward. We’re not aiming for perfection here, the simple act of taking the thing is enough, a small win if nothing else.

In a nutshell, the aim is to make it manageable. To remember that being visible does not mean you have to feel completely comfortable with it, because manageable counts.

And maybe, for those of us who do struggle with this whole picture thing, starting there is much kinder than trying to force confidence before we’re ready.

Because in my experience when we try to force something it never quite has the desired effect. If anything, it usually has the opposite one.

Allowing Ourselves to Be Seen – One Snap at a Time

So maybe the answer isn’t to force ourselves to love the camera, but to start a little smaller than that. Where our first step is to give ourselves permission to be captured in a way that feels honest and human.

Because as much as I may find the whole thing uncomfortable, I also know this: shy people deserve to be seen too.

We deserve to have pictures of ourselves, to look back and see that we were there, not just behind the camera, not just hidden in the background, and not just quietly witnessing everyone else’s memories without capturing our own.

Truth is, we can’t always control how a picture is seen, or how someone else interprets it, and maybe that will always feel a little vulnerable. But it’s okay to accept that without using it as a reason to opt out completely.

Perhaps it means we get to practise being visible in small, honest ways. Not perfectly, or constantly, or as someone we’re not, but simply as ourselves.

Who knows, maybe one day those pictures won’t just remind us of how awkward we felt in the moment, but of the fact we gave ourselves permission to be seen in it.

A Quiet Note to Close

So, if standing in front of the camera often brings a bit of a wobble, please remember it’s okay to be seen as you are, in whatever form that takes, because awkward pictures should be allowed, at least in my world.

And if this is something you feel you need a little more support with, you are always welcome to reach out.

Either way, I hope this reminds you that you deserve to be seen in ways that feel kind, honest and true to who you are and that we don’t have to leap into visibility all at once.

Sometimes, we begin by letting one small moment be captured, just as it is.

Until next time, I’ll see you soon,

Charlotte 🌻

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