5. Fear and Shyness Explained | Facing Fear

Let’s Get Through This: Facing Fear (One Toothache at a Time)

Hello you! I hope the day is being kind to you as you read this. If you caught my last reflection, you might remember I explored the quiet (but often confusing) space between fear and shyness. While they’re not the same, the world around us can often leave us quietly questioning what’s really driving us.

And if you’ve ever found yourself wondering about the difference between fear and shyness, you’re not alone. The two often overlap and that overlap can leave us second-guessing what’s really behind our hesitation.

(I’ve linked to it here in case you missed it 🌿→ Where our shyness ends and our fear begins.)

Well, let’s just say the universe offered me a real-life reminder of that exact idea this week. And I thought it might be helpful to share it. Because I think this experience really highlights the difference between honouring our shyness and maybe hiding behind it.

Because this story? It may start with a sore tooth, but really, it’s about fear – the quiet kind. The kind that tiptoes in under the radar and gently convinces us to delay, avoid, and pretend we’re fine… until, sadly, we’re not.

A Quiet Look Ahead:

Before we begin – I’ve popped a little guide below to what’s inside this post, in case you’d like to skip ahead or return later:

✨ I’m A Big Believer That Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Even when that cloud is shaped suspiciously like a dentist’s chair and especially when it teaches us something quietly important.

So, allow me to share a little story about facing fear, embracing honesty, and gently learning the difference between shy me and frightened me.

As always, this post is a little copy-and-paste from something I shared over on LinkedIn – with a few added extras (mostly in the form of extra embarrassment on my part). But hey, sometimes showing the world we’re not perfect is the most human thing we can do.

Which leads me to…

🦷 Dentist Avoidance

I’ll be honest, the dentist has always stirred up immense anxiety for me. And I know I’m not alone in this one. Shy soul or not, it’s a common fear.

To any dentists reading this: please know, it’s nothing personal. You’re lovely souls for doing the work you do. I always make sure to tell the poor person about to treat me just how deeply I appreciate them… even if I’m gripping the chair like I’m about to launch into a minor panic attack.

I’ve actually known since January that I have a temperamental tooth in need of a little love (and, let’s be honest, some root canal attention). But once the initial infection eased with the help of antibiotics, my brain decided: “All is well now – let’s just leave this for another day.”

Well. Fast forward five months and today is that day.

The familiar niggle returned – along with discomfort, rising panic, and the quiet realisation that I had little option but to face it. And so, off to the dentist I went.

😬 My Personality Traits Are Not a Fan

There’s just something about the whole dental experience that activates all my traits at once.

Let’s start with my shyness – which makes it incredibly difficult to even book the appointment, especially if it’s an “on-the-day, because I’m in pain” kind of thing. I worry I’m being a bother, or that my pain isn’t quite worthy of an emergency slot. (Honestly, I wish they’d rename those appointments to urgent – that word sits a little easier on my shy soul.) Even just picking up the phone to speak to a total stranger can feel like a mountain to climb.

Then there’s my sensitive nature – the part of me that doesn’t cope well with unfamiliar environments, unexpected noises, or shiny silver implements being waved in my direction while my mouth is propped open. It’s giving horror film, not healthcare vibes.

And finally, my introversion. To be fair, this trait actually copes best. Of all the professional appointments, the dentist is the one where small talk is literally off the table. My mouth’s too busy pretending it’s fine to pretend I’m chatty.

🪑 Then There’s The Waiting Room Wobble

By the time I actually made it to the waiting room, I was already on edge. There’s no amount of phone scrolling that can pass the time in a way that feels truly comfortable.

Part pain, part panic, part why-did-I-leave-this-so-long shame spiralling quietly in my chest. I start doubting my symptoms, unsure whether it’s my tooth… or just my anxiety. (Often, it’s both.)

My mind leaps straight to worst-case scenarios:

What if it’s an abscess?

What if it’s spread?

Maybe they’re angry with me for waiting this long?

What if I have sepsis?

(I’ll admit – that last one was a bit of a stretch…even for me.)

Despite being a former nurse with over ten years’ experience, my clinical judgement vanishes into thin air. I’m left arguing with myself internally – trying to be logical while quietly spiralling.

And now I’m also becoming slightly concerned that my appointment was half an hour ago. Maybe they’ve forgotten me?

It’s such a small, silent waiting room, but the idea of standing up and announcing, “I’m so sorry, I just need to check – am I still on the list?” …once again challenges my shy nature.

Thankfully, the decision is made for me. A voice calls my name.

I give a half-hearted smile – the kind that says, “Please don’t judge me. I really don’t like this.”

To the dentist’s credit, they sense the panic straight away and gently say:

“It’s okay to take a breath.”

The irony?

Just a few weeks ago I was sat right here, at this very keyboard, writing a blog post about breathing through fear. (I’ve linked to this here, if you’d like to explore it further  🌿→ Breathe In, Panic Out).

And here I am.

This is where the not-so-perfect part comes in.

💭 That’s The Thing About Fear

Especially the kind that lives inside us shy, sensitive souls.

It doesn’t always shout. It tiptoes in quietly – wrapped in politeness and perfectionism – and convinces us to stay small, stay safe, stay comfortable.

I often think of it like the duck analogy: calm and serene on the surface, while underneath the legs are flapping away. Except in my case, those legs are racing thoughts and an increasing heartbeat.

Fear also makes us doubt ourselves, second-guessing and overthinking until we’re no longer sure what’s real: Was it pain? Was it panic? Should I speak up? Or stay quiet, just in case?

📉 The End Result?

Well, it turns out my trip to the dentist was possibly all for nothing – except for some much-needed reassurance that the pain wasn’t quite what I feared.

I won’t go into too much detail (you’re welcome), but it seems I’m currently dealing with a rather unwelcome guest in the form of some nasty mouth ulcers. Totally worth the £54 for the experience.

As for the problematic tooth? Yes, it still needs that root canal. But for now, it can safely stay put and I can breathe a little easier.

🧩 Picking Up from Last Week

What this whole experience has shown and taught me is that avoidance often sits quietly at the intersection of shyness and fear.

And this is where the shyness vs fear question really matters.

On the surface, I thought I was simply being shy – hesitant to call, reluctant to make a fuss. But underneath, fear had quietly taken over, leading to avoidance.

But underneath? Fear had taken hold. My dentist anxiety was quietly steering the ship.

There was worry and anticipation, that I’d be judged. That I’d be told off. That I’d hear something I didn’t want to hear. (Like: “You need a root canal”… which, let’s face it, I already knew months ago.)

And like many shy souls, I’ve become very good at disguising fear as “I’ll deal with it later.”

Until later becomes painful. And unavoidable.

And it’s not just fear playing games with me, avoidance has joined the party too.

🌸 Fear And Avoidance

Often go hand in hand and yet again, this is a normal human response when we perceive danger. It’s natural and understandable, just the dial for us shy souls is a tad higher.

But, I feel knowing the difference really does help and I feel my overdue trip the dentist highlights this. That’s not to take away from the positives, it’s given me inspiration to write this post.

However, once we know we’ve given way to avoidance and fear rather than honouring our shyness. We are more able to identify it and work through it.

What Could I have Done Differently❓

Aside from being the first human to create a time machine (wouldn’t that be the achievement of the century) and travel back to January. Not much really.

However, what I can do is view this as is a good learning opportunity.

Because fear doesn’t just stop us from doing big, bold things. Sometimes, it stops us from doing small, necessary things – like asking a question, making a call, or trusting what we’re feeling.

But this isn’t about blaming myself for what I didn’t do – I can’t change that now. What I can do is accept it, and gently adapt for the future.

I think it’s time to admit to myself: I fear the dentist. And while my shyness makes it difficult to arrange the treatments I need, it’s the fear sitting quietly behind it that has stopped me from truly honouring my health.

🌿 A Closing Realisation

This whole experience has reminded me that our shyness isn’t the problem, it’s part of how we move through the world. Quietly. Carefully. Thoughtfully.

But when fear slips in behind it and masquerades as it – that’s when we need to pause and pay attention.

Fear, when left unspoken, can hold us back from doing even the smallest of tasks. Things that matter to our health, our peace of mind, or our ability to get support.

If you’ve ever found yourself avoiding something, not because you’re shy, but because something deeper is holding you back – I see you.

You’re not failing. You’re human. And it doesn’t have to be dental-related – fear, for us shy souls, comes in so many different forms.

So, let’s keep learning the difference together – gently – and at our own pace, finding ways to care for ourselves even when it’s hard.

And with this in mind, I’ll leave you with a question that may be a handy place to start:

Where in your life could naming the difference between shyness and fear help you take the next small step with more freedom?

Until next time, be kind to yourself, especially in the panic moments.

And I’ll see you soon,
Charlotte 🌸

Also, just to say – I’m also blogging away each week on all things fear and how we might begin to live with it a little more gently (maybe even befriend it). So, if fear’s been getting in the way and you’re not quite sure what to do next, I’ll pop the link to the full series here in case it’s helpful:
🌿→ Fear In A Friendly Light Series.

Before You Go

Not ready for that? You can explore how coaching works here 🌿→ Coaching Page

A Little Note: FAQ 🫣

Please note this next little section is partly for SEO purposes (so shy souls searching can actually find this post on Google, it’s annoying if I’m being honest but there you go). And since you’re here, maybe these questions will act as a summary of sorts – and if so, well we’ve beat the visibility beast together!

If you’ve reached the end of this FAQ, I appreciate and relate to your dedication to seeing things through 🫶

Gentle Note: This post is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. For more information please click here 🌿→ Disclaimer Page.