Let’s Get Emotional With Perfectionism: Slowing The Striving, Releasing Its Grip & Trusting Life’s Imperfect Flow
Hello you – welcome back. Today, we’re picking up part two of this not-so-perfect exploration into how to manage perfectionism – but in a way that feels simple, calmer and a little more human.
So, as I always say: grab a drink, get comfy and settle in. And while you do, remember – this moment doesn’t need to be perfect. Just being here, reflecting together, is as close to personal development perfection as we ever really need to get. So, well done us!
And before we dive straight in – or before I get lost on yet another philosophical tangent – allow me to offer a little summary of what this post is about:
Now, if you’re ready to skip straight to the practical part 🌿 → click here to jump to How to Manage Perfectionism.
But for those who (like me 🤗) like to dip their toe in first before diving in, I’ve tucked a few extras below.
You’ll find the Perfectionism Mini-Series Roadmap, this post’s contents, and a short reflection on Part One – the piece where we uncovered why perfectionism develops and began understanding it as a strategy for safety rather than a flaw to fix.
👀 A Quick Peek at Whats Ahead:
🌿 → Click to open contents & series roadmap:
Splitting Things into Two:
My perfectionism mini series is split into two parts:
⓵ Part One: We look at the roots of where perfectionism comes from, why we develop this coping strategy and what it’s trying to tell us underneath the surface.
(I’ve linked to part one here 🌿 → Why Perfectionism Develops)
⓶ Part Two (this post): We’ll explore how we can manage perfectionism when it takes hold, so we can move forward with a little more freedom and a little less pressure. And who doesn’t need a bit more of that in life.
Contents:
(A few links for what to expect: feel free to skip ahead)
🪄 How to keep the magic and lose the panic
🧹 Tip One: purpose over polish
🌀 Tip Four: Unravel the spiral
🏆 Tip Five: Celebrate the Small Wins
🪞 Reflecting Back To Last Week’s Post
🌿 → Click here for perfectionism part one recap:
Reflecting Back: The Not-So-Perfect Defence
In part one, we explored where perfectionism can begin, what helps to keep it fresh in our minds and some of the ways the modern day can add to the problem.
(In case you missed it I’ve popped the link here 🌿→ Why Perfectionism Develops)
We explored perfectionism at its literal roots – from childhood to the school years and well into adult working life. And I just couldn’t resist throwing social media into the mix too, in exploring how it does affect us, by showing the world under such a perfect light, it can be hard to keep up.
And I left you with a question to ponder:
Where in your life do you notice perfectionism showing up most strongly, and what might it be trying to protect you from?
As I often say, no worries if life got in the way or it was too much of a deep question to ask at this time. That’s okay. These things take time – sometimes it’s the seeds these questions plant that don’t seem obvious in the moment but over time, they quietly begin to grow. And if there’s one thing I hope you took from Part One, it’s this:
Perfectionism isn’t a personal flaw – it’s a strategy.
A way of protecting ourselves in a world that often feels a little too fast, a little too loud and sometimes, a little too much. At its core, perfectionism is about creating a sense of safety – by trying to control the uncontrollable.
But the good news is – once we understand why perfectionism shows up, we can start learning how to work with it, in our own time, space and on our terms.
Which brings me to today’s post, where we can build on just that.
How to Manage Perfectionism
Let’s get positive
I feel the doom and gloom of perfectionism was made fairly obvious in the last post. And I don’t know about you, but the world feels all sorts of chaos at the moment, so let’s take some rays of light where we can.
Because there are some silver linings we perfectionistic souls can take comfort in and I feel it all starts in…
How to Manage Perfectionism Without Losing the Details
Keeping the good & releasing the clutter
As with most things in life, the key is in the balance.
Speaking as a recovering perfectionist, when the overthinking strikes, I like to imagine this pattern as being a bit like a beautiful gift – only it’s wrapped in some rather chaotic, over-stretched wrapping paper. I’m thinking full 80s aesthetic here: vibrantly colourful, clashing neons and big geometric patterns. (To any 80s lovers reading this – no judgement. We all have our preferences.)
Either way, whatever the wrapping looks like to you, I find it helps to imagine peeling back the busy paper and finding the real positives perfectionism has to offer inside.
And yes, sometimes it feels like a metaphorical game of pass the parcel. But eventually, I get to the centre – and when I do, I’m the winner of whatever’s inside. Finally, I’m winning at life. My younger self would be proud.
So what are these little prizes we can find when we peel back the paper of perfectionism?
The Gifts of Perfectionism
Act in haste, overthink for days
They say the devil is in the details – but in this case, I’d argue it’s actually the magic.
Because let’s be honest, being a perfectionist does have its perks. You notice the little things that others might miss. You think about how things are presented and – perhaps more importantly – how they’ll land.
In the fast pace of today’s world, where most things are rushed, it can sometimes feel like you’re spending too long in the weeds. But sometimes, you’re the only one who’s actually bothering to look.
And that’s not a bad thing.
Taking a step back to review something gives you time to pause, breathe and create space between emotion and response. Most of social media lives in the opposite camp – the instant reaction zone. Which is why that old saying still rings true:
Act in haste, repent at leisure.
A final check of a post, message, or email might just save you from sending something you’ll worry about later. So yes, sometimes it’s a blessing to check.
When Attention Turns Into Overthinking
The tipping balance
The trouble starts when caution turns into overthinking. When that helpful little pause spirals into hours of worry and what if’s. When you’re re-reading the same sentence for the tenth time.
At that point, you’re no longer checking for clarity – you’re checking for control. Not thoughtful safety, but a kind of grip-tight safety-seeking that never really settles.
Because perfectionism doesn’t just want things to be good – it wants them to be bulletproof. And life, unfortunately, doesn’t work that way.
This is when attention to details moves from being a little bit of magic to a slightly larger sprinkle of mischief. Because we’re no longer paying attention to the finer details, we’re actually trying to control the uncontrollable.
So the goal here isn’t to stop checking. It’s to find the middle ground – the sweet spot between thoughtful diligence and spiral-shaped panic.
Because caution is a gift, as long as it’s wrapped in care – not in fear. And when we know the difference we can then see…
Why Caring Deeply Isn’t the Problem
Keeping compassion without the pressure
We’re not just here to tick boxes – we’re here to build something that lasts.
And I’ll happily hold my hand up and admit it: I care.
Not just about me or those closest to me, but about everyone who reads this blog, sees my posts, or quietly stops by for a moment of reflection.
Which means – yes – I care about you.
And I care about the world around me too. That’s not to say I’m unique. Lots of people care. But I do think it’s a sign of passion and purpose when we want to do things to a high standard. When we’re not here to do things quickly just for the sake of getting them done – but because they mean something to us.
So, for those of us who are wired this way, here’s a phrase we’ll probably relate to:
Quality over quantity.
Because surface-level quotes, fluffy promises and overindulged “I just want to help!” actions aren’t really how I roll. And since you’re here with me, reading this – I’m guessing they’re probably not how you do either.
So let’s just announce it together: We care and that’s okay.
In fact, it’s more than okay. Taking pride in our work, our words and our actions is part of what gives life meaning. And being a little on the perfectionistic side? Sometimes, that’s just a sign of passion, drive, and intention. How lovely it would be if all humans had the same philosophy – we’d be bordering on a utopian world.
Pleasing Ourselves Over Pleasing Others
From control to connection
When we have high standards, and when we care about what we do and say, it’s usually a reflection of personal integrity. It’s about standing for what we believe in and being careful and kind in the way we share this with the world around us.
At its core, it’s about self-respect. And that builds self-trust – (which, as you know, is something I’ll never shut up about).
But here’s where we need to be honest with ourselves:
Do I care about this because it matters to me, or am I trying to control how others will see me?
It’s okay to care about both. We’re human, after all. But the difference is – you can control how proud you feel of your own work. But you can’t control how others feel about it.
So yes – it’s okay to care. But it’s not okay to suffer.
Caring is us quietly and carefully unwrapping our gifts.
Suffering is ripping away the wrapping and being left with paper cuts.
Sure, we can learn and grow from both. But it’s always worth asking are we:
Learning for Love or For Likes?
Integrity over image
Those of us who fall into the perfectionism trap tend to share one particular trait – we’re highly conscientious. We care about getting things right, not because of ego, but because of integrity.
Authenticity is a word I hold closely to my heart – but let’s be honest, it’s a word that’s lost a bit of its meaning lately. Sometimes, it’s waved around in spaces where things feel anything but authentic.
And if you’re someone who pays attention to detail, you’ll spot that mismatch a mile off.
That’s not micro-managing life – it’s actually a gift. Because you can usually sense when something is real and when it’s not.
The Social Media Struggle
Why online perfection hits hard
Not to ramble on about social media too much again – but it’s related, so I’ll allow myself one last moan.
This is why I’ve always had a bit of a love-hate relationship with the online world. The algorithms tend to lift popularity over content – and if you’ve ever poured your heart and soul into something, only to post it out into the world and it fall flat, you’ll know exactly how that feels.
Meanwhile, someone else posts something clearly exaggerated – or even bordering on fake – and it’s hailed as “authentic.” Not always, of course, but often enough to quietly trigger my justice complex.
It’s not about saying one type of content is better than another – it’s about recognising how the system works. Likes equate to relevance. Comments equate to engagement.
And social media? Well, it doesn’t really care if what’s being shared is good, bad, or somewhere in between.
At the end of the day, it’s a business where usage equals money.
Escaping the Validation Trap
Reclaiming your worth from algorithms and approval
Which is why it’s so easy to get caught up in the need for likes, comments and shares to feel like our words, ideas, or creative work are valid. Believe me, I’m there with you.
So when the overthinking kicks in before you post (which it often does), it’s worth gently asking:
Why am I sharing this?
Because it’s meaningful to me or because I need others to tell me it’s okay?”
It’s a big question. And there’s no wrong answer – we’re all human. We all need attention sometimes.
But if you tend to fall into the perfectionism camp, seeking external validation can quietly feed the very pattern that keeps you there.
And as we explored last week, perfectionism thinks it’s keeping us safe. But more often than not, it’s keeping us stuck.
Unwrapping the Real Gift of Perfectionism
Control vs connection
Because I’m stubborn and committed to closing my metaphors properly – perfectionist solidarity, of course! Here’s where the gift box analogy fits in.
Sharing with integrity is like quietly opening your gift box when no one’s watching – because it matters to you and it’s for you.
Sharing for approval is like handing the box to the audience, letting them rip open the paper and hoping they tell you it’s good enough. Without even getting a look inside to enjoy the contents.
One is about connection to self. The other is about control.
And perfectionism, as always, is slightly controlling.
Moving Forward: Managing Perfectionism
How to keep the good & release the rest
So, as we’ve seen – it’s not all bad when it comes to perfectionism. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it gifts us with many things. So to bring things full circle, I’ll say it again – the key is in the balance.
We can still check and still care.
We can still do good work.
And we can still show up with integrity.
But we don’t have to suffer in the process. So let’s move on to the practical part:
How do we loosen the grip of perfectionism – while keeping the good bits that make us who we are and leaving the bits that hold us back?
Well, allow me to explain.
Tip One: Purpose Over Polish
Reconnect to why it matters
Perfectionism loves to make sure everything is clean and shiny.
But sometimes, sparkling clean turns into “just one more edit, one more read-through, one more double check.”And before you know it, all your effort is quietly getting buried beneath the shine.
So when you catch yourself in the familiar loop of “just one more thing”, try this:
Take a breath. Step back and ask:
Why am I doing this?
Because it matters to me?
Or, I’m scared of getting it wrong?
Be honest – it’s okay if it’s the second one.
Even noticing that takes courage. And if you still check it one more time, that’s fine too. But next time? You might find the urge calms, just a little.
As, when we reconnect with why we are doing something, we can gently slow the loop. Because a wobbly but deeply human post usually lands better than a flawless one that never makes it to publish.
Tip Two: Draw A Line
Setting kind boundaries
Perfectionism isn’t great with boundaries. It prefers to keep us stuck in “let’s just check it again” loop, where nothing ever really ends.
So let’s practise drawing a line.
Imagine running a marathon with no finish line. What starts as a really difficult run becomes a completely impossible one. We humans like destinations – without them, we spend hours and energy trying to find one.
So, whatever the task – writing, posting, replying to a message, picking an outfit – set a soft boundary.
Something like:
“One more check, then I’m ready.”
“Fifteen minutes to write this, then I press send.”
“Three outfits to choose from, no more.”
It’s not about being strict – it’s about being realistic and kind. Because when you practise this, it becomes easier to say:
“I’ve done enough. Time to move on.”
Tip Three: 80% Charged
The “good enough” rule in action
Perfectionism would have you keep your phone on charge even when it’s already at 100%. And if you’ve learned the hard way – like I have – you’ll know that constant charging eventually damages the battery.
At some point, you don’t just need a new charge – you need a new phone.
It’s the same with tasks. Try the 80% rule: share before you feel fully ready.
Now, I won’t lie – this one physically pains me to say. It usually takes a few deep breaths (and sometimes a looming deadline) for me to do it.
But here’s the truth: perfect is impossible and for most of us perfectionists, “good enough” is already better than we think.
So, when you reach about 80% – you’ll feel it. It’s that quiet moment where the task is basically done, but your brain pipes up with protests. Now you’ve asked yourself why am I doing this and you drew a line in the sand of when to stop. Well, step three is where the reassurance comes in.
It’s your cue to stop again. Breathe. And give yourself a gentle nudge:
“This feels okay and it doesn’t have to be picture perfect”
The more you practise this, the more you teach your nervous system something vital: You are safe to show up before everything feels perfectly shiny and polished within an inch of its life.
Because after all life is a marathon – not a never-ending sprint without any sweat.
Tiny Intentional Acts
The art of being imperfect on purpose
If you’re ready to move things up a gear, you could try intentionally letting something be a little imperfect – on purpose. Nothing huge. Nothing reckless. Just a tiny, harmless error that probably only you will even notice.
Here are some ideas:
🙅♀️ Posting something with a tiny typo – yes, I know it’s hard to do but live a little and leave out an apostrophe.
🏠 Leave the house with a hair out of place – or better yet, just check the mirror once before you go.
🏚️ Let someone into your house when it’s “lived in” rather than spotless. Maybe even plan for it. Leave one cushion slightly out of order or a mug on the side that you’d normally tidy away.
Or you could take a leaf out of my book: when I accidentally did post something on LinkedIn with the word “hashtag” (not the symbol – the literal word) copy-pasted into my post. Why? Because when you copy from one post to another, LinkedIn sometimes decides to bring the word “hashtag” along because it can.
Did I spot it after posting? Yes. Did I edit it later? Also yes.
But honestly? Next time I’d be tempted to leave it. Because the truth is, that was my 15th re-read and even then, I missed it. And if I’d left it? The world wouldn’t have ended. (In fact, it took me two days to even notice).
A Failsafe for the Ultra-Perfectionists
A go to safety net
Now, I know for some of us, this might feel like one step too far. And that’s okay.
So here’s a compromise:
If it’s a post, remember there’s usually an edit button. And if there isn’t (because not all platforms follow the same rules) – there’s always the option to delete.
If it’s leaving the house, maybe pop a small mirror in your bag – just in case.
And if that cushion is staring at you from across the room, well – you tried. That’s credit enough. Move it back if you need to.
The aim of these tiny experiments is to teach your nervous system:
“Nothing terrible happens when life isn’t polished.”
And the more you practise, the easier it gets to say:
“I’m human. This is fine. I am safe without perfection”
Tip Four: Unravel The Spiral
Grounding the mind and body
Perfectionism isn’t just a spiral in our thoughts – it’s a full-on body loop.
It’s fear, disguised as attention to detail. And as we know, fear likes to settle in.
Cue the familiar symptoms: Tight chest. Clenched jaw. Racing heart. That restless urge to check “just one more time.”
These are all signs that perfectionism isn’t just living in your mind – it’s quietly steering the ship and distracting you from the sea.
Grounding Through the Perfectionism Storm
Anchor in calm when the loop takes over
Once you’ve done the work of checking your why, drawing a line, sharing at 80% (and maybe even sprinkling in an intentional error for fun) – the final step is simple:
Anchor in and weather the storm. Ground yourself.
All you need to do is pause, breathe and send a quiet message to your body:
“I’m safe. I’ve done enough. It’s okay to settle now.”
Drop the Anchor
If you’ve read my breathing post (🌿→ Breathing Techniques For Fear & Anxiety), you’ll know I’m a big fan of simple breathwork.
And if you’ve read the rejection posts, you might remember anchoring the storm with our trusty worry rock – or as I like to call it, my stress rock in hand. (🌿→ The Gentle Art of Navigating The Storm).
It’s small, smooth, and usually in my pocket when I need it. Well, this all ties in here too.
Simply Grounding
If you don’t have time to re-read (or in case you missed those posts), grounding can be as simple as:
- Taking one deep breath in, and a longer breath out
- Placing your hand on your chest and saying: “I’m safe without perfection.”
- Holding onto something physical (like a rock, mug, or cushion) to remind yourself you’re here, not in the overthinking spiral
It’s just the simple act of returning to the present, calming the body and settling the fear.
Why This Matters
Calm isn’t laziness – it’s regulation
Because perfectionism isn’t just about getting it right – it’s about trying to control the discomfort of being human.
Grounding brings you back to this moment, where life is actually happening – not the imagined disaster of what ifs. It’s handing control back to where it belongs – within us. And in doing so, it allows us to feel safe as we are and who we are. Anytime, anywhere.
And always remember – grounding doesn’t have to be perfect either. It often won’t be. But it’s enough to create a little space and a moment of separation from the spiral. It gives us the chance to build something quietly powerful: Self-trust.
Because when the moment passes – which it will – you’ll be able to do something that matters:
Tip Five: Celebrate the Small Wins
Progress over perfection
We humans tend to think that big changes, grand shifts and “being the real you” happen dramatically. But as I’ve said before – and I’ll keep saying it because it’s true – real growth doesn’t shout. And lasting change is rarely explosive.
It’s subtle, small and it’s evolving.
That’s why celebrating the small steps and minor victories is essential. Because it teaches your mind and body to trust sustainable growth – the kind that actually sticks.
It also reshapes how you see yourself. It shows you your strengths. And it reminds you that when life does get hard – which it often does – you already have tools within you to move through it.
That is true power. The kind that doesn’t need to shout, because it knows who it is.
And in celebrating the tiny wins, you gently begin to change the programming you never agreed to in the first place. You learn to move forward on your terms, in your own time.
And in doing so, you become more of who you were truly meant to be.
Final Thoughts
So, here’s to the small steps. The tiny nudges. And the quiet wins that no one else might see – but you will know they’re there.
Essentially, here’s to being imperfect!
Because perfectionism doesn’t need to disappear overnight. It just needs less control.
And the more you practise, the more you’ll realise:
You don’t have to get life perfect to feel safe. You just have to keep showing up as you are on your own terms.
Until Next Time…
Always remember – you’re not alone in this. And take pride in the fact that you have the power to shape your reality. By reading this post, you’ve already shown up for yourself and that takes incredible strength.
Next week, we’ll gently build on this theme by exploring perfectionism’s twin sister (or brother) – procrastination. (🌿→ Why Do I Procrastinate?).
They’re closely related and often hold hands, but they’re not identical. We’ll explore the subtle differences and how to navigate this particular emotional root with care and compassion.
But until then, as always, I’ll leave you with a question or two:
Is there something on your list today that could be shared, sent, or started – before it’s perfect?
And how does it feel when you think about that?
I’ll see you soon,
Charlotte 🪷
Before You Go
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